


Will Wonders Never Cease

by AnnetheCatDetective



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: D/s, Dom Newt, M/M, Mostly Newt POV, Shop Around the Corner Plot, sub Hermann
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 12:23:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2388122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnetheCatDetective/pseuds/AnnetheCatDetective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Newt and Hermann take every opportunity to snap at each other while sharing lab after lab and dealing with the Shatterdome's slashed K-sci budget, and Hermann is the last person Newt can imagine getting along with in a personal sense.</p><p>Newt spends the little snatches of free time that he has online, where he can talk to strangers who get him, in ways he's sure Hermann totally never could.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Insomnia and a Long Wait

**Author's Note:**

> So, mixing the kink meme call for Dom Newt/sub Hermann with the 'She Loves Me' idea that had been slowly brewing in my head for a while turned out to be just what I needed.
> 
> (Anyone not familiar with 'She Loves Me'-- or the non-musical 'The Shop Around the Corner'-- will have no problem following it, seriously, the plot is not a very complex one. One of the plot points was the very outdated anonymous lonely hearts letter writing service, which translates so well to the semi-anonymity of certain online forums.)
> 
> (also, the first internet friend Newt talks to is nobody, they're just there to aid in the set-up)
> 
> (also also, if you are familiar with 'She Loves Me', then you may understand why '(Vanilla) Ice Cream' prompted me to write Newmann fic)

Newt can't sleep, and it's going to be hours before he can check on his samples if he doesn't want to do more harm than good to them.

 

He pulls out his laptop, relieved to see he's not alone online, at least.

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _Hey._

 

 **CatLuvr13** _Hi there! Is it late or early for you?_

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _It's on the cusp. Did you get that tattoo you were talking about?_ _PS I have always wanted to ask, were there twelve other CatLuvrs before you?_

 

 **CatLuvr13** _It's my lucky number, ass. There are like a million combinations of different spellings of 'cat lover' though_. _What do you have against loving cats, G?_

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _I'm pro cat. I'm pro most creatures. Tattoo?_

 

 **CatLuvr13** _I had my first session. This is way bigger than my first one. My man had to hold my hand._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _Aw, lucky you. Or lucky him. Lucky everyone with a hand to hold. It's so weird that we know, like, intimate details about each other's lives and not names and faces and jobs because I could get fired if I did that. Your boyfriend's in the same boat, though, right? He has to protect all that stuff._

 

 **CatLuvr13** _Yeah. But I don't. At least, I can put pictures of the tattoo up once it's healed. I like to crop my face out but it's not a huuuge deal if someone recognizes me. I mean, for starters, anyone who does was on the same kinky sex forum as I am so._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG**   _I'm pretty sure calling someone out on the hypocrisy would not save me. Think it's gonna extend to a full sleeve?_

 

 **CatLuvr13**   _I don't know. If I get any great ideas for extending it. For now it's just going to wrap around the shoulder and extend halfway down to the elbow, and that might be enough for me. Yours are all over though, right?_

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _Yeah. I never post pics because they're kind of distinctive. That whole job thing. Full sleeves, full front. Started on my back, but I've still got room to add in a couple more. When the right subjects hit, I'll know, and once I've got the designs down with my artist, they'll work in pretty seamlessly. It's kind of addictive so I don't know how I'm gonna deal when I run out of skin. Which might happen, actually. I gave up on covering my arms a long time ago, so everyone knows the basic look._

 

 

 **CatLuvr13** _Nice. Painful sounding, to be honest, but that's a part of the appeal too. Anyway, it sounds like you need to take those distinctive tattoos and go make a friend. Does your job really keep you from hitting any local events?_

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _What local events? No, I'm in the middle of nowhere. No balls, no munches, no nothing._

 

It was close enough to the truth-- Yeah, the Shatterdome was located on the edge of what used to be a major city, and it was still chugging along as best it could for the people stuck living there. Businesses still ran, kids still went to school, people still shopped and went to bars and tried to forget that they were on the coast, but everyone who could move inland had, and no one was very carefree. There wasn't anything casual, and there was no way Newt was going to go looking for a club, because with his luck, someone heading into some other bar across the street would see him and recognize him and he wouldn't just be the PPDC's resident kaiju lover, he'd be the PPDC's _pervert_ kaiju lover. His career would take enough of a hit if he was just in academia, but now that he's pseudo-military to boot? Not worth the risk.

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _Wait, sorry, is this your way of saying your boyfriend doesn't want you chatting so much with other Doms?_

 

 **CatLuvr13** _No, he's got nothing to worry about and he knows it. And if he would let me share his dick pics I would show you exactly what I mean, but he has one of those jobs that frown on circulating pictures of your erection to strangers. This is my way of saying I don't like my friends moping around lonely. And a guy who's got tattoos over half his body? Is not jealous of my having a hand to hold for one little session, if he's not lonely. And I count internet friends as real friends, G. For that matter, you know, you could always use the internet to meet single subs. There are nice ones out there._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _Yeah. I just never used it to look for date type people._

 

 **CatLuvr13** _But it is also my way of saying you need to find someone else to talk to, because while I don't have one of THOSE jobs, I have a job and I need to go to it soon._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _Right. Time difference stuff. See ya_

 

 **CatLuvr13** _TTFN_

 

Newt sighs. He's not jealous of CatLuvr's life, exactly-- a part-time job, in a quiet town on the other side of a mountain range from the Pacific? Yaaawn. He's happy with his job, even with its downsides, and he's happy with his life. He's just... jealous of parts of it. The companionship parts. In CatLuvr's case, a fat orange cat and a loving boyfriend with impeccable knotwork and a huge cock.

 

Not that he wants a fat orange cat and a boyfriend with impeccable knotwork and a huge cock-- well, he wouldn't turn a huge cock down. But he'd be just as happy with a girlfriend, with or without a huge cock. Or a romantic partner of any gender, with any genitals. And come to think of it, if he really wanted, he could have a pet. The Hansens have that dog, if a dog can run around the Sydney Shatterdome, he could have a pet. He just doesn't have the time to devote to one, and the lab is definitely not a safe place, and maybe it's not such a great idea...

 

 He still can't sleep, though, and that means dicking around online. He could at least make a step towards taking some friendly advice while he's at it...

 

He winds up on a message board discussing the intersection of disability and kink, looking for a topic that applies to him, and typing in his opinion once he finds it-- experiences with visible vs. invisible disabilities, and the impact on sexual relationships.

 

- _Hey. Dom with an invisible disability. It kind of sucks-- and I mean, I'm not saying mine is worse than someone else's by a longshot! But the fact that it's something that only comes up as you're building trust with a prospective partner means there's no quick way to weed out the dickbags. I tend to get blown off a lot once it comes up by people who feel like they can't trust me to be in control. Which is kind of a gross misconception-- by which I mean I find it icky, not enormous. Maybe it's both. Like, yes, I'm scattered sometimes and I have issues that I need to work on and I've been accused of being incapable of taking care of myself, but when someone puts their trust in me, that shit is sacred and I rise to the occasion. My neural hardwiring has never impacted my ability to be a trustworthy and in-control partner. But it's not the kind of thing that comes up when you're just chatting somebody up in a bar, so... /shrug, amirite?_

 

He browses around, coming back to the thread once he sees he's not the last comment anymore.

 

_-My position is somewhat opposite yours, then. I'm a submissive with a visible disability. I have to tell you, at least for me, it doesn't necessary weed out all of the 'dickbags', as you so colorfully put it. It weeds out a certain type, but not the ones who want you to be a pet invalid. Finding a partner isn't currently my biggest worry in the world, but it's the worry that would need addressing before any of the other worries re: being disabled and kinky._

 

_-Hadn't thought about the other kind of dickbag. Also, I hope I wasn't a dickbag myself up there. Yeah, it's a whole other jungle looking for a Dom, which is another thing I never have to think about._

 

_-You were not a complete dickbag. You did mention that you weren't saying you had it worse than anyone else. It's not easy for anyone when you're looking, I imagine._

 

 

When he refreshes to see the latest comment, it's the same red icon-- roses, when he gets a closer look. Classy. The username attached reads 'OfferingMyThroat', which... okay, the imagery appeals. Even if they aren't actively looking. He clicks over to their profile. Male, middle of nowhere. No age listed, but he's not there to make a date or anything, so it doesn't matter much. He's just there to drop a private message in the guy's inbox.

 

_Hey. It's the incomplete dickbag :). Figured there was no sense cluttering up the thread with a back-and-forth, but I also figured if we're both online at the same time I might as well apologize if I was a partial dickbag and say 'hey, isn't it funny how we have similar experiences from the opposite sides of things' and that kind of thing. Oh, and I'm not one of those aggressive wannabe Dom guys, not here to be creepy!_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

He goes to look through tattoo designs once he's sent the message, admiring a few styles that wouldn't mesh with his own kaiju tapestry, and he doesn't know why he's surprised when he gets a quick reply.

 

_A Dom with 'big' right in his name who is not one of those 'aggressive wannabe Dom guys'? My lucky day. Really, no offense done. You were there to share your experience, and I'm not interested in playing gatekeeper and saying one disability is worse or better or more deserving of the label than another. It's just part of who we are and what we live with. I hope it didn't sound as if I was being dismissive._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

Newt thinks he detects snark up at the start. Which he has to admit he kind of likes. If he's looking for a conversational partner, it's a quality he definitely enjoys. Especially if they can find a common target to aim all snark missiles at together.

 

_No, you're cool. Are you on here often? Ugh, not in a cheap pick-up way, sorry. I haven't had time to be involved in discussions lately and I'm trying to catch up on the good stuff._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_On and off when I have the time. Here and the 'geeky' board-- not lately, though. I'm currently more career-focused._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Wait, the geek board here? Okay, then how have we not seen each other around? Well, timing. Or we have and never really needed to talk before, maybe. I mostly contribute to cult films and music recommendations! (I get career junk getting in the way. My 'career' is why I don't have any pics or location up)_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I haven't been in either thread much. To be honest, I was a little embarrassed that no one would share my tastes-- in those regards, obviously. I mostly go in to see if there are any science threads to lurk in. Maybe I should ask you for some recommendations, though. I'm in desperate need of *something* to listen to. Have you ever had a coworker who didn't know how to turn down the volume on the radio in a shared workspace?_

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Aw, no! Don't be embarrassed TO ROCK! Or to whatever-music-you-listen-to. I'll recommend you something and you recommend me something. Though I'm warning you, you're not going to name a band I've never heard of. (I've been in some real fights about the radio in a shared workspace. I've actually been on both sides of those fights before.) Anyway, how do you feel about Public Image Ltd.?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

It's a while before he gets another reply this time.

 

_Rock. Public Image Ltd. is, I'm afraid, not my 'scene'. And something you've never heard of? Hm... How about The Clitoris That Thought It Was a Puppy?_

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

Newt actually stops to look that up, because he's sure it's fake.

 

_Someone's high school band is cheating. I'm guessing you don't dig the Sex Pistols then?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I do not dig the Sex Pistols, sorry. Punk is not for me. And the high school band of a prolific rock composer is not cheating. It's merely the first step in an illustrious career._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_What? Dude no. Punk is for everyone! There are a hundred different flavors of punk! Like, listen to 'I Want You Around' by the Ramones and compare it to 'I Wanna Be Your Dog' by Iggy Pop and it's a whole 'nother world. They're both different from Black Flag, which is on another planet from Gogol Bordello, which is nothing like your Queercore stuff or your horrorpunk._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Intriguing as a title like 'I Wanna Be Your Dog' is, Iggy Pop gives me a headache. It's the fuzziness, I can't handle music with too much fuzz. It's like trying to watch something through heavy snow on an old CRT television, but aural. Will I be able to enjoy this Ramones song?_

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Oh man. I love it, but it really depends on how it's done, I get what you're saying. There are sweet spots for me with distortion. Anyway yeah, you won't have any trouble with the Ramones. The song I mentioned is actually kind of on the slow-and-sweet side, since I was trying to make a point with the whole range thing... so it's not a great example of punk music, but if you get into some of the other stuff you might dig it. It's not my usual cup of tea, but I mean, I went through a pretty big phase in high school so. Anyway, recommend something for me. Something I can *find*. Or you can try and name a cult film I'm not familiar with, but it's just as impossible. (no naming any movies some cult director made in high school, either. Cheating)_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I'll do both. Have you ever seen Streets of Fire? The soundtrack is... Masterful. I get chills. 'Tonight is What it Means to be Young' is the song, it's electrifying._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

Newt grins. He's never seen the movie-- he's never even heard of it! To be fair, it's outside his genre, as a little googling proves, but still, it's exhilarating to be surprised by someone on a topic he knows well, and to get to discover something new. He wouldn't call the song 'electrifying', but then, he's never gotten chills from music that wasn't live. Maybe live, his opinion would be different. It has an excellent part for keyboard, that's the important thing, and he winds up listening to 'Nowhere Fast' directly after, and then a song from a never-produced Batman musical that he finds himself really enjoying, for all its hamminess. It's the Joker, though, it fits. It kind of rocks.

 

  _I can see you enjoying 'Phantom of the Paradise', listening to this stuff._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

He doesn't get a reply-- depending on where his new friend is living, he's either gone to bed or started his day, and Newt dicks around on the internet a while longer before he feels tired enough to sleep.

 

He's running on fumes and coffee the next day, when Hermann snaps at him to turn his music down, and Newt does-- by half a notch. The last night had him in the mood for Iggy Pop, what can he say?


	2. Friction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt and Hermann rub each other the wrong way at work, and seek distractions elsewhere.

It's not easy working with Hermann now that they've lost their buffer zone. The program has to slash funding where they can, and running the power to two full labs when they can fit everything they really need into one is 'grossly wasteful', with every argument about the different natures of their fields falling on deaf ears.

 

It had been hard enough to work in the same space when they'd each had a small team sharing the workload. They couldn't keep to a schedule where they never saw each other, they were both too prone to-- and necessary for-- overwork, to avoid their hours crossing over. But they could minimize the time they had to be around each other, and they could rely on other people to get between them, to make things go easier.

 

Now, though... Now it's almost always the two of them alone in the lab, and it's been a long time since Newt has known how to get along with Hermann. He thinks it's something that only works on paper. They'd been great together on paper, sure. In person?

 

In person, Newt has one boundary he won't cross, and that is Hermann's father. Lars Gottlieb may be a huge reason why they've been losing funding and manpower, but Newt knows better than to take that one out on Hermann. As far as he's aware, he's the one person in the 'dome who knows that Hermann's got more complaints for the elder Gottlieb than anyone, and as much as they don't get along, he also knows Hermann believes in the Jaeger program more than just about anyone.

 

But he doesn't know how to say anything nice, after everything, and he won't try, knowing Hermann will find a way to take offense anyway, to throw it back in his face. He only knows how to piss Hermann off and get into arguments with him. It's not ideal, but it doesn't hurt his focus any.

 

He's tired at the end of each day that it goes on, though. That isn't all fighting with Hermann, it's everything. It's the way he pushes himself, the way they're both afraid to stop working some nights. Hermann probably collapses and sleeps like a baby when he drags himself from his equations, and Newt thinks it's a miracle anyone could spend all that time with equations and not fall asleep right up against the chalkboard, but Newt's mind is never quiet enough when he tries to turn in. Even if he can't think straight enough to work, even if his body is groaning with the mere thought of effort, even if he can't hold a pen, let alone a scalpel... When he goes to turn in for the night, Newt's brain races.

 

It's a problem that has him feeling absurdly grateful when he gets a reply to his last message, a couple of nights later.

 

_I loved it. Thank you for the recommendation, I can't believe all of that music came from the man who wrote 'Rainbow Connection'._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Right? I thought of it when I was listening to the songs you mentioned. Like, it wasn't my usual jam, but it had me wanting to break out my keyboard so I could work out playing some of it, so I guess that's a win._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_You play? The composer is a pianist, so he does tend to lead with that, rather than guitar._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Yeah. Not as often as I'd like, it's in storage and I haven't gotten it out in a while. Do you play anything?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

Newt hits send and wonders if he could sneak it in with his things, the next time he's moved to a new 'dome and a new lab. It'll depend on where the samples are most easily delivered, probably. And with his luck, they'll send Hermann with him to pay for fewer used rooms, but with segments of every Shatterdome going dark to cut costs, it makes him think he could find a place to store it, even if there's no room in his own quarters.

 

_Sadly, no. My parents were the type to want to put their children in lessons, but while I grasped the theory easily enough, I was always clumsy when it came to the practice. Just as well, I never would have been able to keep up with it._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Okay. So what do you do for fun, then? I mean, besides hang around here lurking in geeky threads._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Honestly, just computer things, mostly. I haven't had spare time to devote to programming for fun in ages, though. It's rather too time consuming. Well, that and watching films on the recommendation of strangers from kinky websites._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Programming for fun? Like, games? Dude, that would be pretty sweet. I have no patience for all that stuff. Like, hardware junk I can fix up, but the software is so beyond me. Hats off to anyone who gets that side of things. If I can't stick my hands in it and mess around, I'm useless. Although, I am a genius when it comes to anything I can put my hands all over. I guess it's a fair trade-off._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Oh, anything you can put your hands all over? No, that sounds like a *very* fair trade-off._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Are you teasing me? ;p_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I believe you teased me first..._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_That's not how I'm counting it. So you're one of those bratty, mouthy types? (not that you have to answer or anything, like, let me know if I'm overstepping my bounds here)_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Not really. I mean, I wouldn't be, with a partner. Not in-scene-- I can't promise not to be mouthy, that would be disingenuous. I have opinions and most of the time I will certainly voice them. But that's not where the attraction is for me when it comes to submission, no. I don't want to be 'made to behave' or 'punished for acting up'. It's fine for some but it isn't why I'm here._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Cool. I mean, cool either way, I'm not judgey about that stuff. (obviously, right? haha) So why are you here? (if I'm allowed to ask)_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_You tell me about you and I'll tell you more about me._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Oh, I see how it is. No, that's fair. Honestly I'm really easygoing about 'types'. Like, the really important thing is everyone getting what they need and having a good time, so if I'm with someone who trusts me enough to submit to me, then for me it's all about what their needs are. I mean, there's stuff I'm not into and wouldn't do unless I had a serious amount of time and trust invested, but not much. If someone needed to be taken care of, I'd stick them in bed and cater to them because they're mine, if someone needed to be in service, I'm just as happy lying in bed and giving orders because they're mine... The 'mine' is the important part. Once someone's there for me, it's my job to make sure they have what they need, and what I get out of it is this uncluttered headspace where I know I'm boss enough to be boss._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_That's nice. It doesn't seem right, your having so much trouble finding partners, you sound like a caring, flexible Dominant, it should be just a matter of personal chemistry or finding things to talk about. But then, I can't say I haven't seen ablism rear its ugly head on my end, can I? It's just a shame, that's all._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Yeah, it sucks, but I mean I'd rather get dumped before getting started than have someone find out and flip out on me when I'm already really invested. Anyway, you were going to tell me more about you._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I was. And I am. I'm a control freak. Which is wonderful when I'm at work and I have to be on top of everything all the time, and I have to present myself in a way that inspires confidence, and I have to have answers to everyone's questions. I need an off switch. I need to have just a little bit of time where I'm not in control of anything, but that's terrifying, you know? The only way I can stop being in control is if someone else is. Hence the need for a Dominant._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

 _I can get that. I mean, I love control. Well, duh, right? But yeah, if you're responsible for a lot of stuff and you have control issues or whatever, I see where that need comes from_.

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

Newt hits send as he's rereading the message, wincing and devoutly wishing for the billionth time in his life for an undo button on those things.

 

_Shit, I didn't mean I think you have issues_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I should hope not. But it certainly presents an issue, I'll give you that. But there's a difference between handing over complete control to someone for an hour a week and having someone decide he's entitled to control your private life because obviously you need the help. And then there's the assholes who just expect things that are physically unpleasant and have no patience for not getting them. I mean, I would love to be able to kneel for someone. It would make me incredibly happy, but it isn't going to happen, and it certainly isn't going to happen for an idiot with too many problems of his own. I'm sure there are lovely people out there who I haven't met-- it's been a while since I bothered looking._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_And yet you still call yourself 'offering'? PS, that guy/those guys definitely sounds like an asshole/assholes plural. But I'm glad you don't put up with that fuckery._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_No, I have no patience for anyone abusing the trust-based nature of a Dominant/submissive relationship out of selfish interests. I have no patience for about a million things, but it's a fault I also have no time to work on. The name came from a song, sort of._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Hear hear. If you want to talk about no patience though, I have a story for another day. And I took mine from the movies... sort of._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Oh, and here I thought you were bragging about something impressive._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Oh, I am impressive where it counts. I am very impressive where it counts._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I bet you say that to *all* the boys._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

Newt laughs, and he feels he'd honestly put a dick pic in his photo album if it wasn't for the creeping paranoia involving job loss and humiliation that would surely follow such a movie.

 

_Boys, girls, people who are both, people who are neither. Anyone who'll listen. Not really. I mean, I really am totally, like I'm not a slouch, in that department. I don't usually need to brag about it, though. I'd rather brag about my other important qualities and let my tight pants do the talking._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_The history books will have to decide whether or not that's a wise choice. And I really should sleep, it's late where I am. But you can drop me a line, anytime. I'll always answer as soon as I have the time to go through personal messages, even if it's only every couple of days._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

Newt smiles at the offer for a while, before shutting down his computer and deciding to give sleep a shot. It's fun, having flirty banter with someone... a teasing back and forth without any of the animosity that's been giving him a headache at work. It makes the rough days ahead look a little easier thinking he has free reign to bug the other man. And maybe he'll find some keyboard time and learn a bit of something totally different from his usual repertoire. The fact that it all seems to operate on 'fast + loud = good' means if he plays it on repeat in the lab to learn it by ear, it's sure to piss Hermann off, and he knows the noise complaints that get sent in about him don't even get read anymore.


	3. All Those Familiar Complaints

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt is pretty sure he's pissing Hermann off, and the feeling is more than mutual. So what else is new? 
> 
> At least he's on the same page with somebody out there.

Newt doesn't take long to decide he is absolutely for using a motorcycle as an instrument. It makes him kind of miss his own considerably-less-badass motor scooter, the one living a nice, safe life in his dad's garage. He misses her, but it's one more thing to take from 'dome to 'dome, and with how infrequently he gets out of the lab, he doesn't really get to know any of the places he's stationed well enough to tool around on his own. The keyboard takes up less space and can be used in his quarters.

 

At least, if he can get a good enough feel for the music by ear to try. He hasn't really felt inspired to noodle around with it making up his own stuff in a long time.

 

Hermann lets out a heavy sigh from up at the top of his ladder, and when he turns around, there's a smear of chalk dust across his face that Newt totally doesn't laugh at like an easily-amused child.

 

" _Doctor_ Geiszler, do you _mind_?"

 

"Not at all, dude."

 

"We are not all like _you_!" Hermann snaps. "We cannot all just focus on our important, _life-saving_ work while our music is blaring! _Please_ turn the distraction _off_!"

 

"I thought you would welcome the change of pace." Newt lies with a shrug.

 

"I would _welcome_ being able to _think straight_!"

 

Newt shrugs again, turning the music down that half-notch calculated to irritate Hermann more than if he'd ignored the order completely. In part to make Hermann regret trying to _order_ him to do anything, when they're _equals_. In part because it's fun. He knows it really is childish, but he can't help it. There's something about pushing Hermann's buttons. He totally loses his stiff upper lip, which is satisfying, and then there's this cadence to his voice when he's trying to lecture Newt that just washes over him. He knows Hermann is ranting, but he could honestly just tune out the words themselves and listen to the rhythm of it and the way the German in his accent comes out of hiding, and he likes that. It's _musical_ , in a way, and it's sharp the way Hermann is sharp, and the Rs roll, little sounds go unvoiced... it's a welcome change from the whole unflappable Received Pronunciation thing he tries so hard to maintain.

 

It reminds him that Hermann is human, too. Even if he never likes acting like it.

 

Like, forcing him to have emotions is practically a duty, if he looks at it that way. It's not his fault if the only one he can ever get is anger, that boat sailed a long time ago and Hermann was the one manning the rudder. Newt wasn't the guy telling his best friend to call him Doctor the first time they met in person, or getting angry at him for trying to be the same guy he'd always been in their letters, or avoiding even looking at him with that sneer in place...

 

That night, when they finally drag themselves away from the lab, his new friend is his first recourse.

 

_Do you have that one, like, asshole coworker? Mine is really getting me down._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Oh don't get me started... He's a human migraine. He's a series of accidents waiting to happen. What does yours do?_

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_He's got a stick up his ass long enough to poke his medulla oblongata, nothing is ever good enough for him, and he has to sound so smart all the time. And the thing is, like, shit, he is smart. So why does he have to waste his time trying to tell everyone how smart he is when he could just get on with it, right?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_He sounds absolutely insufferable. I used to work with someone like that. I should be glad I'm down to one unbearable colleague. But I know what it's like to feel like you can't please someone, no matter how experienced or good at your job you are, or how hard you work to prove yourself... it isn't easy. But you'll do all right. Boss enough to be the boss, isn't that how you described it?_

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Yeah. It's hard to feel that way when no one's there, though, you know? Like I'm just at work all day where no one trusts my ideas and then at the end of the day there's nobody to remind me._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_So I'm reminding you right now. That's a real part of you that doesn't disappear just because you haven't got a partner right now. It's like... Have you ever put something in long-term storage? It's like that. You don't use it every day and you feel like you haven't needed it, but now you miss having it at hand, so you just need to remember where you've stored it. It's there._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_That's... really good, actually. Thank you, man. So tell me about your asshole._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_COWORKER_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I knew what you meant, but I got quite the laugh out of your clarification. Do you have all night?_

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_I don't really sleep._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I'll try to be concise so that you can at least try to get some, you really should. I never get a minute's peace with that man around. He has some kind of serious personal problem, he can't just let me focus on my *job*. And he's always there! Always another joke at my expense or... little office prank._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Maybe he's just trying to pull your pigtails?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_No, he has a defiance problem with everybody. No respect, as if his position in his field can forever excuse all his bad points! And he keeps getting away with it, while I'm the one who has to keep putting up with the day-in-day-out of his insults. I understand why he's still here, I just don't understand why he couldn't work across the hall, or across the building. Somewhere away from me._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_That sucks. But I'm glad it's not totally a personal thing. I mean, it would be pretty out of line if it was just him trying to get your attention for personal reasons._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

Newt stares at the message a moment before hitting send. He's not sure what else he wants to say. More than that, he feels the sudden need to absolve himself somehow, because even if his reasons for bothering Hermann so much totally aren't 'pigtail pulling', they are kind of based in personal satisfaction... Not a crush-- those feelings died the day they met in person, and Hermann put some very effective nails through the coffin. But it's still close enough to make him uncomfortable if he examines it too much. If he wasn't sure that Hermann loved shouting at him, he'd feel really guilty, but no, he is sure of that. Hermann couldn't go a day without finding something to yell at him about, even with Newt on his best behavior. The back and forth they have is about as healthy as it gets... about as healthy as they'll get. If Hermann didn't have a reason to shout at least once a day, he'd probably explode or something, and Newt has to do something to keep his mind occupied. When he doesn't have something to get good and lost in, a little argument with Hermann about the things that don't matter at least keeps him from thinking about death tolls and problems he doesn't have the solution to yet.

 

_Not totally, no. I just take the brunt of it and it's tiresome. Still... if I'm honest, I would rather put up with him than go back to working with the other man I mentioned, the one who sounds like yours. He had more power to make me miserable. I always doubted my own work when he looked over it, it never felt good enough... I don't mind defending what I do to an unrepentant asshole, at least I don't feel like I owe him something I'm not producing._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Well, one down, one to go, then, huh? But good for you. It's important to believe in what you're putting out there. And I've been enjoying your music, so thanks for that. I'm gonna watch that whole terrible looking movie those two songs came from._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I won't be offended if you don't like the movie... it's over-the-top and it's definitely nonsensical. But I'm very glad you enjoyed the songs. I'm going to try turning in, you should do the same. It takes energy to deal with a terrible coworker._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

Newt snorts.

 

"You got that right." He says to the screen. He pulls the movie up anyway to watch a couple scenes, not yet mentally tired enough for sleep.


	4. Safety, Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The PPDC starts shutting down entire Shatterdomes, shuffling their scientists around in the process. 
> 
> It throws the question of 'home' up in the air, but at least Newt has one touchstone.

"So where are they sending you?" Newt asks.

 

Hermann is standing there, a bag over his shoulder, his expression grim and his grip on his cane hard, and it's not like Newt thinks he'll miss working together exactly, but he's not a really big fan of change. Hermann is a part of his routine.

 

"Vladivostok. You?"

 

"Bright and sunny Los Angeles." He attempts a smile. Hermann doesn't look at him. "It'll be okay."

 

"How? This week alone they're decommissioning three Shatterdomes. Do you think they'll stop there? It won't work..."

 

"I know it won't." Newt sighs, shuffling closer to Hermann. He knows better than to offer to help him with his stuff. He still wants to, for whatever part of the Hermann he used to know is still a part of the Hermann he knows now. He wonders how different he is-- he doesn't feel different. He never really does.

 

"My father is adamant. People listen to him." Hermann says, and his voice is even and crisp, but Newt hears the bitterness, the scorn and the betrayal that lurk under the surface. "He tends to get funding for projects that he backs."

 

"Yeah."

 

And then, Hermann drops his bag and turns to face Newt, extending his hand.

 

"Doctor Geiszler, it has not been a pleasure. But I do hope you find some measure of success on your end-- And I do wish to thank you, before we part ways."

 

"Thank me? For what?"

 

"For never asking me if I 'tried to talk to him'. For never... treating me like the enemy because of-- of circumstances being what they are."

 

"Hey, dude, I've got way better reasons for treating you like the enemy." Newt jokes, but he shakes Hermann's hand. "Good luck in Vladivostok. Keep warm."

 

"I've been stationed there before. I'm prepared."

 

Newt merely nods, and they fall silent. He picks up Hermann's bag for him, handing it back rather than offering to hold or carry it-- that would be too much. Hermann doesn't thank him, but he doesn't bawl him out for it, just gives a tight-lipped smile before turning back to watch for his transport out.

 

He doesn't seem too upset about his destination. Newt can't complain about L.A.-- it's going to be warmer than Vladivostock. But the last attack there was months ago, and he doesn't know what state any samples that are shipped there will be in when he arrives.

 

It's days before his phone chirps at seven AM to let him know he has an email-- and that email is actually just a notification to let him know he has a private message in his forum inbox. Newt pulls out his tablet to answer. He has the lab to himself and is eating breakfast on not-Hermann's-desk while he waits on some test results, there's no reason not to.

 

_Sorry I haven't been online, it's been a harrowing couple of days for me. I don't feel like going into the whole story, but I have a different work schedule now. It's working out, I'm just tired. I'm adjusting to it, though. I guess I just miss talking... You'll have to leave something in my inbox when you get this._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_You want me to tell you a bedtime story?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Please._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

The answer is almost instantaneous, and Newt can't help smiling.

 

_Only if you promise to send me one in return, so I don't get too bored and lonely at night now that our schedules are different. What do you want to hear about?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_If you send me a good one, I'll do the same. How/when did you know you were Dominant, if that isn't too personal a question?_

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Not too personal-- if it isn't too personal to ask you how/when you knew you were submissive. I didn't really realize it on my own. I was a grad student and there was this girl I had a class with. We didn't know each other that well for a kind of a long time, considering we were classmates. Like, there was this group deal and she was in another group, but we knew some of the same people and we wind up at this party. And I recognize her, because we do see each other every week and all. We just never hung out solo or anything. So she comes up to me-- And this girl is gorgeous. Like, auburn hair, tall tall girl, she's kind of older than me and she's stunning and, like, she could be a model but she's going for this advanced degree and we're classmates, and I'm not that tall and I'm not a huge looker back then. I was a little schlubby and I basically lived on caffeine. Student life, you know? So I'm amazed that she wants to talk to me, but she's telling me she's been noticing me a lot in class, and do I want to get together? Obviously I do. We go to her place after a couple dates, and she has all this equipment, and I'm thinking 'okay this is where it turns into a Misery situation and no one ever sees me again' but my boner disagrees, and because I'm a university dude, my boner wins the argument over whether or not to run for it. She asks me to tie her up, and she's showing me all this stuff and what to do with it and something clicks. It just CLICKS and I'm like 'Yeah, this is exactly what I want to do'. She told me about her safeword and how we should agree on stuff beforehand and how to be safe, too, but mostly what I got out of it was that I came off to her as someone she could really trust in a huge way, and everything we did was just really intense because of it. She turned me onto a lot of stuff that I liked and a lot of stuff that isn't for me, but the big thing was just having that dynamic, and how sweet she always was to me, and how good it felt to take care of her and do the things she needed. Like, she could have had ALL the power in our relationship, but the fact that she wanted me to have it, and the way that she wanted me to have it, that opened up the door for me. We were smart enough to know that at our ages we weren't going to be together forever, but I remember it being really good for us both. We parted on pretty good terms but we haven't talked in a long time. Just how it goes and all._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

It's a while before Newt can return to his messages, once his results are ready, but he takes lunch alone in the lab too to be able to, and there's a story waiting for him that he doesn't save for that night, and another message as well.

 

_My older brother made me watch this movie. It must have been older than both of us, I don't know by how much, but I remember it was dated. There was a second television in my parents' bedroom, and while they were out one day, he takes me in there with this VHS tape that he'd gotten from a friend. He made a big deal about the utmost secrecy that had to surround this invasion of our parents' room, and the video itself, which he guaranteed was going to make me a man. It was nothing really pornographic, just titillating and very cheesy. I doubt it occurred to my brother that I might grow up to be uninterested in the female form, but it didn't matter, because the heroine kept falling into various situations that required rescuing from, and while he couldn't care less about the plot and merely wanted the best possible view of her breasts, I kept picturing myself in her place. Being tied up, mostly, or menaced with threats of 'torture' that would really only lead to mussed hair and heavy breathing and the kind of noises that were not exactly indicative of *pain*. There was a lot I didn't quite understand at the time, about what that meant for me. But the desire to have someone tie me down and play me like a piano was realized._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_I'm curious, by the way. You mentioned your first submissive teaching you about safewords. Have you ever needed to use one, as a Dominant? You don't have to answer if it's very personal, of course. As I said, curiosity._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_I'll tell my story if you've got one you can tell me. It doesn't have to be about the same subject, whatever kind of story you've got. But I have, yeah. It was with the same girl. I was still really new to things, and I wanted to be game for anything she wanted to do. I had such a hard time saying no to this girl, you know? She gave so much and I wanted to be everything that she needed. So she asks me if I'm okay with a little roleplaying, and it's not the first time we've pretended to be things in bed, I say sure, and she gives me kind of an idea of the sort of things she wants me to say to her, and I don't have a safeword at this point, I think that's just a her thing. Not her fault, she explained stuff well I just don't always pick up on stuff from being told. I always have to take it apart to understand it. Hers is 'grandma' because she said that was the fastest bonerkill she could think of. Or, it was then, dunno if she uses the same one now or not. But anyway, I prep for my part, and I think it's no problem, because I know who she is and who I am. Pretend stuff is just pretend, and it's no big deal, and it's kind of obvious that it's all pretend. Like, some of our roleplaying was just downright cheesy. I was a really bad ham back then. And like I said, she's taller than me, I feel pretty secure in my ability to go along with her fantasy because obviously she's a grown-ass woman who can take care of herself, and we're just playing. But this is the first time I've ever been asked to keep going when she says no, I've never done anything like that before, and I rehearse it all in my head, and at first she's giggling and pushing my face away and I'm fine with pushing, but then she actually makes herself sound like she's crying and it freaks me the hell out, man. And I've got no idea what to do so I just yell 'grandma' because I don't even have my own safeword. She shuts down the waterworks right away but then I start, you know, I start apologizing for not being able to give her the whole fantasy and she had a costume and everything... And I don't get that I'm allowed to safeword out, like, I did it, but it hasn't sunk in that Doms can do that shit too, so I feel like crap. She was awesome, she went right into aftercare mode and we took a bath and ate cookie dough and marathoned some bad sci-fi and talked it out. We agreed we'd try it again after some time doing stuff I knew I liked, but that next time she wouldn't cry and we'd see how it went. As shitty as I felt when I had to tap out, it was a really good experience overall, though. I learned a lot about having limits as a Dom and about how to protect myself and say no when I had to, and man, if I hadn't learned that with her, I could have gotten hurt down the line, but she made sure to turn everything into a real positive._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

He doesn't get a response by the time his lunch is over, so Newt goes back to the grindstone-- or in this case, the seriously deteriorating samples he has to work with.

 

He gets to play his music as loud as he wants to, but without Hermann bitching at him about it, it doesn't seem to help him work as well as he's used to. He has a whole lab to himself, and it's not like Newt misses Hermann, but the place is a little creepy with nobody else around. He keeps feeling like he's going to wind up one of those guys who talks to himself just to remember what human voices sound like-- which is ridiculous, because there are still plenty of people in the Shatterdome. And it's not like he's not listening to the human voices of various singers while he works anyway. But it's not a whole lot of consolation, when he thinks about how many of his colleagues no longer work for the PPDC at all.

 

The next morning, he has a message, though, and that helps.

 

_I did have to safeword out once. It was a youthful error. My first Dom/sub relationship. I didn't know enough about what I should be listing under my hard limits.  I'd made it clear that I was uninterested in serious pain, and that I was interested in sensation play-- in having no control over the sensations I experienced, during the proposed scene, whether it be deprivation or the addition of something. So I was cuffed and blindfolded, which was all fine, and everything was progressing well, I couldn't tell when I would be touched or with what, and I was relaxing into that lack of control. I didn't know he had a Wartenberg wheel. I didn't know anyone did. It was an unpleasant sensation. Well, no. It was an unpleasant association. I had had nerve testing done-- they don't use the wheel anymore, but when I was young and as-yet-undiagnosed, some doctors used disposable plastic ones. It took years to cobble together a working list of all the things wrong with me, the high comorbidity rates with various associated physical ailments. Because I wasn't aware that people used an outdated diagnostic tool as a sex toy, I was utterly unprepared, and it took me back to a very un-sexy time in my life, when my lack of control was terrifying because no one had any answers for me about my body. Now I know it is relatively unserious-- as these things go. Unpleasant, often difficult, but not terminal. And I knew that as I was lying there blindfolded, but it just held such awful associations for me that I had to stop things. I suppose it could also be seen as a positive experience in the end-- we stopped when I gave my word, and I added the wheel to my hard limits. And since then, while there have certainly been scenes that have had to end prematurely, I've never needed to stop things on the same kind of note. It's felt much more like a mutual decision based on shared levels of comfort, rather than my putting a halt to something that my Dominant believed I was still enjoying._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_First times, man. Or, first relationships, anyway. I hear you. I mean, a part of me wants to say this guy should have been more cued into your comfort level, but I can't really make a judgment call like that. I mean, if you were enjoying everything up until then and the two of you were still learning each other, that's fair... It can take time sometimes to get on the right wavelength. A lot of times you try and it's not just there. I kind of envy the people who just *know*, you know? Like I have this pal who's so in sync with their guy that if you saw them on the street you'd get diabetes. And I see couples sometimes, like maybe they aren't kinky, but they're just cued into each other, and I think, someday, you know? Someday I want to find that._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

He gets a reply within minutes, reading it as he walks to pick up breakfast.

 

_I know what you mean. I have a pair of friends who are literally the most connected people I have ever met... it's amazing. It's improbable and awe-inspiring and honestly it's a bit eerie to witness... I know I'm not going to have what they have. Statistically, very few people on earth will ever have what they have, these are people who have spent so much time together that they've begun to look like each other, and if they were stranded on a deserted island with just each other, they might not even notice the lack of other people. They both tell me I'll find someone, and it's not that I think I won't, it's merely that they share an enviable connection that I don't hold out realistic hopes for._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

He hurries back to his lab, glad for the privacy there, so that he can answer while he eats again.

 

_Hey, don't get down. Someone's out there for everyone. It's really cool that your friends have that, and I'm sure that they're special in that regard and all, but don't go thinking you can't have what they have. I mean, unless you're buddying around with Jaeger pilots, it's not like they've got super-special access to some kind of mystical bond you'll never share with someone._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

It's two days without a reply after that, and Newt tells himself he isn't freaking out or anything.

 

He's freaking out a little.

 

_You around?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Work's treating you extra rough, huh?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I'm around if you want to talk._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Try 'The Ocean is a Fuck of a Long Way to Swim' by Amazing Transparent Man._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Please be alive._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Because it would really really suck if you weren't._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

He doesn't have the chance to hit send on the last when a message pops up, and the relief is immediate and physical, something cool that sweeps through him.

 

_I'm so sorry-- It was work, it's been awful. I've only been able to check my work email and not my personal, and of course my inbox here is set up to my personal. You were really worried about me?_

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

Newt deletes his unsent message, rewriting it.

 

_No, I was just idly speculating about the odds of your getting hit by a bus. Yeah, I was a little worried. We live in uncertain times, man. And I don't know what part of the planet you're on-- and I'm not asking, I get privacy. But shit, anything could happen._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_One in two million. And the song was nice. Not my usual tastes precisely, but I appreciated it very much. It's possible that we are operating on a nineteen hour time difference but that's just a guess. I don't actually know what your schedule is like, only that you're a night owl._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Does that nineteen hour possible time difference put you very close to the pacific ocean?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_It doesn't put me very far from it. Nor you, if we are on opposite sides of it._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Yeah. I guess not. But don't worry about me. I've got a good shelter to head to if shit goes down. I guess I can't actually be surprised if I'm honest. You kind of write real formal. Either you were an Oxford Don from a hundred years ago or you learned English as a second language so you actually follow the rules instead of tossing it around all willy-nilly._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

'Shelter' might have been kind of a lie, but it's a lie Newt can live with. He's in the Shatterdome, which is about as safe as it gets, that's the important thing.

 

_I will be safe also. And yes, it is a second language, which I do not treat 'all willy-nilly'. If there is an attack near where I am I will be sure to send you a message as soon as I can. If there's one on your side of the ocean, can you do the same? I know it might not be right away, but I would feel better. I just feel like you should be prepared. I would hate to think of you being surprised by the next attack, if it happens near you._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

Newt isn't sure how he can respond to that. A glib 'I haven't been surprised by a kaiju in a long time'? He can't admit to working for the PPDC... even if he wants to.

 

_You really don't have to worry about me. I'm always prepared._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_If we're talking song recommendations, by the way, 'Not Allowed to Love'. It's from a Batman musical that was never produced... I know that probably sounds silly..._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Uh, it sounds kickass. I only got around to listening to the Joker song because it popped up after the Streets of Fire songs you recommended, but I'll give it a whirl._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

He listens to it in bed that night and analyzes it to death, but he sleeps better knowing his friend is doing okay-- and knowing that they've got an agreement in place to contact each other after the next attack, wherever it falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hermann's calculations are off by one hour, as he's basing them on the difference between their last base and Vladivostok, since he doesn't know his pen pal has also moved.
> 
> The bus thing obviously depends a lot on extenuating circumstances, but it was probably accurate for at least one place he's lived, if not where he is now. And his odds are certainly lowered by staying in his lab all the time. (and yes, it's very hard for him to not tell his anonymous friend approximately when to expect another attack)


	5. Constants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some things you never can get away from... For Newt, the seemingly never-ending fight against and study of the kaiju is one, and as it turns out, Hermann Gottlieb is another.

Newt had spent the whole of the last kaiju attack messaging back and forth with his pen pal. It was on his side of the Pacific, and even after his assurances that it wasn't going to make it up to where he was-- over twelve hundred miles might have been a do-able distance if it was just shrugging off fighter planes and tanks like in the old days, but against a Jaeger, even adapting as the kaiju were to their mechanized foes, Newt was sure it wouldn't happen.

 

It's not half a month later that he gets his marching orders-- L.A. is going to be short one Shatterdome within the next ten days, and Newt's going to be in Sydney for about a week before Hong Kong. He doesn't want to think about after that. Hong Kong's the last stand and he knows it. This time, he thinks what the hell... he won't mention Hong Kong, like he didn't talk about his posting in Los Angeles, but it's a week. He can mention Sydney.

 

_I'm gonna be in Sydney a couple days on a business trip. It might be kind of hectic and I don't know what my wifi sitch is gonna be, so don't freak out or anything if I'm not around._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

It's a while before he gets a reply, and when he does, he's a little relieved to have the whole lab to himself as he's packing up, because it would be pretty embarrassing to get caught making the noises and elaborate fist pumps he can't contain throughout the exchange.

 

_Sydney? Australia? I hope you'll be back from the coast and close to a shelter, I don't really trust a wall to the kind of thing capable of taking out as many marvels of engineering and architecture as the kaiju have... But I'm not sorry to hear about your business trip. I'm there right now for work myself, though it's only for a couple of weeks._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Holy shit, we're going to be in the same city? Do you want to meet up or something? Just for coffee and to talk, like, no pressure or anything. I mean, neither of us is going to be in town long and I don't want to start anything big when I won't be able to be there for you in ways you'd need, and maybe the chemistry wouldn't be there for that kind of a thing anyway, but I really like talking and it'd be cool to know what your voice is like so when I read stuff you write it's not just in my voice. It'd be nice to get to hang out with someone instead of being all work-work-work while I'm there. It's all gonna be work-work-work once I leave town anyway, so... Do you think you'll have an afternoon free in a few days?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I would like that. I was thinking about asking you, but I wasn't sure if you were interested. Sometimes online friendships don't survive so well in the light of day. I've had correspondences fail to hold up to the reality of meeting in the flesh... and I don't like the thought of disappointing you._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Dude, forget that. How would you even disappoint me, come on. You're a friend. We're kind of sympatico. And it's not like I'm going to show up, notice you're disabled, and nope the fuck out on you like a dickbag, complete or otherwise, and you're not gonna disappear if I'm kind of... I don't know, whatever. It's perfect. We get all that stuff. And I won't be disappointed if there aren't sparks and choruses of angels or anything. Like, sometimes it's awkward. I'm actually really awkward when it comes to this stuff and I'll warn you I might be kind of turned up to eleven, enthusiasm-wise, but also kind of sweaty and nervous, but that's COOL, because everyone's like that. I mean, pretty much. People get freaked out about first impressions, but we know each other and we don't have to fall into that trap, right? Don't even think of it as a first impression, I mean, this is just you and me being in the same physical location at the same time, but it's not weird. I mean, people meet up all the time and it's awkward and they get over it and they stay friends or date or whatever and everything works out. Everything will work out. I really want to meet you._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I really want to meet you. When you're in town and settled drop me a line and we can work out a time and place. None of my friends are in Sydney with me, so I could certainly use someone to have coffee with._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

 _As soon as I sleep off the jet lag, you'll be the first to know._ _;)_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

Packing up his lab and personal belongings is a lot easier after that. Now he has something to look forward to beyond bureaucratic nightmares and red tape and excess jet lag. He doesn't even know why the PPDC is bothering to send him to Sydney, knowing that it's only going to be shut down next, and he's sure he could get more done if he could just skip straight to Hong Kong, but he's glad for the extra trip now. Even if there's nothing in Sydney's lab too fragile to make the trip to Hong Kong with him that requires his immediate attention-- although he still hopes that's the reason why-- at least he'll have a name and a voice and a face to put to his friend.

 

His maybe more than a friend, but he's not ready to be that optimistic. He doesn't know if the guy is from Hong Kong or not. It's possible, he's sure, given what he knows. There are a lot of places he could be from, and from all their back-and-forth, he feels like he's talking to someone who couldn't do a long distance thing-- at least, not as far as the Dom/sub dynamic goes. There's no way to completely lose control of his physical experience when everything's long distance, he can agree to give up control for sessions but he'll never be able to have the feeling of helplessness without a proxy involved, and Newt doesn't know the full extent of his physical limitations to even know what things it would be difficult for him to do for himself.

 

Besides, Newt thrives on touch himself, especially where aftercare is involved. He knows he'd crash hard if he couldn't cuddle his sub. Even if they hit it off, there's no way he can do long distance scenes. There wouldn't be the physical Top drop, but he'd feel like a terrible Dom for not providing aftercare, and he knows that can be a vicious cycle, since it will only lead to him needing aftercare of his own and being out of his depth. He's no good at self-care. He barely remembers to feed himself and sleep when the only thing in his life is work...

 

But that doesn't mean he's going to rule anything out, either-- if the chemistry is there, there's no reason they can't have a long distance relationship and just agree to hold off on implementing the Dom/sub stuff until they can be in the same place. It would give him the motivation to find a work-life balance and something to look forward to After. 'After' is still such a nebulous concept it's almost impossible to think about. He doesn't have a _life_ without the kaiju anymore. But he _could_. If he thinks about being able to have a relationship, someone who depends on his being okay, someone who would be his support system, he's sure he could pick himself up and find the next big thing. And after all the talking they've done, he knows that's something his friend would understand-- he needs that support from a sub to be the person he needs to be as a Dom, it's a two-way street in a way he's never been able to explain to someone outside, a way that he doesn't even agree on with everyone 'in the lifestyle', but one that the two of them seem to be on the same page with.

 

When he finally comes out of his post-flight stupor, the first thing he does is send a message, and the second thing he does is head for the lab.

 

The first thing Newt encounters in his temporary lab set-up in Sydney is a deteriorating slab of Rachnid. It's almost three months old, and with that in mind, it's...

 

It isn't the worst sample he's ever had to work with. It's something. But it's possible it wouldn't have made it to Hong Kong, and it's possible he can learn something from it.

 

The second thing Newt encounters in his temporary lab set-up in Sydney is Hermann.

 

"Really?" He whines in disbelief, staring at a whiteboard covered in numbers and symbols.

 

"I don't like it any more than you do, but when I saw that disgusting specimen, I knew you wouldn't be far behind." Hermann sneers at him. "I'd say it isn't for much longer, but we both know there's only one place to go after this."

 

"You were in Russia." Newt accuses.

 

"The Vladivostok Shatterdome shut down several days ago now. Those who did not wish to leave the Jaeger program have all moved on to Hong Kong. I was sent here, to help collect you. And the remains of the lab here... The last physicists working on stopping the kaijus instead of merely building a massive wall to keep them out were here. Now they are not."

 

Newt loses a little of his animosity at the mention of the wall-- he can hear the way the words twist in Hermann's mouth like they taste bad, a tone usually reserved for his work. Maybe a little angrier.

 

"Well, here's to working together again. I've got headphones. So... look, you wanna be in a good mood, I wanna be in a good mood, why don't we just try to keep to our own sides and stay out of each others' hair?"

 

"That would be agreeable." Hermann nods stiffly, and it's all Newt can do not to make fun of him, but the cease fire was his idea.

 

He really doesn't want to have his good mood ruined.

 

Hermann has a huge set-up of out-of-date computers by the white board, which he regards with disdain, and from working with him on and off over the years-- and writing to him before-- Newt knows he wishes the computers were more modern and the board more archaic. It's a quirk he thinks he could almost be fond of, if they'd stayed friends.

 

"So, before we try our best to block each other out, what's all this?"

 

"This is data to transfer, if it's usable, and discard if it is not, left behind by cowards and fools." Hermann sighs. "Dare I even ask?"

 

"Three months old and not holding up well." Newt does the same.

 

Hermann turns back to his numbers, going back and forth between the board, the monitors, and a laptop separated from the rest of the computers, and Newt plugs his headphones in, snaps on a pair of gloves, and gets to work.

 

He takes a break when his phone buzzes in his pocket, and when he sees who the message is from, he steps out into the hallway-- it's practically a ghost town, and even if it wasn't, nobody would think it was weird to see him taking a few minutes with his phone. If he steps out, then if Hermann notices, he'll assume it's something important. Which it is, but it's not the kind of thing he can discuss at work. With Hermann stick-up-his-ass Gottlieb, of all people.

 

_I'm glad to hear you're in safe and sound. Does tomorrow work for you, around one in the afternoon? I have the feeling I'm going to need a breather._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_That would be really great. I have the same feeling already. You've had a little more time to scope stuff out, is there a place you like?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

He gets an address next, and it's beyond convenient-- it's practically in the shadow of the Shatterdome. Which Newt privately thinks would be a great name for a rock band.

 

_I can find that easy, not too far from where I'm staying. How will I know you?_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I'll wear a blue shirt and a beige jacket. And I'll have a cane I won't 'look old enough' to need. How will I know you?_

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Business casual, brown hair, and I wear a leather band on my left wrist. Kind of a subtle thing, I know, but I find the whole 'leather daddy arm band' kind of uncomfortable and you have to show off a whole lot of arm, it's not really great for wearing out to coffee. ;)_

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Is that a signalling thing? I'm not at all up on the leather subculture._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Yeah. Left=Top, right=bottom. I'm not a HUGE leather guy or anything. I like a little bit some of the time, if it looks cool or if I'm with someone who's into it, but I kind of like to be able to wear something that flies under the radar but at least I know what it means._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_That makes sense. I don't have anything like that. I've looked at things like day collars, out of idle speculation more than anything. But it tends to be feminine jewelry, the kind of thing a woman could wear in a professional setting perhaps, but a man never could. I don't even know that I'd want something if it existed, I don't think a collar has to be a constant thing, I'm happy with it being in-scene-only, but I do see an appeal in having something one can wear in public to represent a relationship. I can even see how it could be a source of comfort. I've just never been in the position to consider actually wearing something on a day-to-day basis, really._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

Newt sucks on his lip. He doesn't even know what the other man looks like, or if they'll hit it off that way, but he hopes they do, if only because he thinks he'd love to be the one providing the collar, even if it's just in-scene. It's good enough for him.

 

_If it's just comfort/security, though, it can be anything. Like, wearing a partner's tee shirt under work clothes or having a special tie that was a gift, or a keychain or a tie bar with an inscription. Although there are tastefully subtle BDSM keychains. If you just want to be able to flash your preferences to a select few without raising eyebrows at work. Triskeles, roses with thorns-- like your user icon._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_I didn't pick the icon because of that, actually, but I did know that. I learned it after joining, it made the icon seem like a fortuitous choice. Anyway, I think the idea of comfort and security is more appealing. And I would love to discuss this and more, but it should wait for tomorrow. I'm supposed to be working... and you provide a tempting distraction._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Haha same here. I'll see you tomorrow._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

When he ducks back into the lab, Newt spots Hermann rolling his desk chair from one end of the computer set-up to the other, no indication given that he'd even noticed his labmate's absence.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha you have no idea how thrilled I was to be able to work one of Newt's bracelets into this story like that, it was so immensely satisfying.


	6. Vanilla Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be some heartache tonight... 
> 
> In which Newt's date is not what he'd been expecting, and Hermann doesn't know what he expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (because with a set-up like I've been working from, I couldn't resist)

Work is a blessing-- it's the one thing that keeps Newt from completely freaking out about his upcoming date. Or, not-date. Whichever it turns out to be.

 

Hermann is testier than usual, and because Hermann is so not a normal person, instead of taking the refreshing artificial coolness of the lab as the respite from the blistering heat outside that it is, he shows up wearing the ugliest sweater Newt's ever seen, a marled red-and-oatmeal monstrosity with bits of fuzz that look in permanent danger of flying off and contaminating the airspace.

 

"If I get woolly lint bits in my samples, Hermann, so help me, they'll never find your body." Newt says, exasperated, over his music.

 

"Ha!" Hermann doesn't even grace him with a look, chalk still flying over his board. "As if you could manage, I'd have you thrashed within moments of your first homicide attempt."

 

"What makes you think this is going to be my first homicide attempt?"

 

"See? You're utterly hopeless when it comes to murder. How many attempts have you failed?"

 

"You won't be laughing when I have you in my trunk, I will straight up feed you to the crocodiles!"

 

"You don't even have a _car_ , Doctor Geiszler."

 

"I didn't say it was a _car_ trunk." Newt mutters to himself, a little defeated. "Obviously it's a special... crocodile food transportation trunk."

 

"Such a thing does not _exist_."

 

"You don't have any _imagination_."

 

Hermann doesn't even bother sniping back at him-- because Hermann has no _manners_ , Newt thinks viciously. But no pieces of lint have flown across the lab to land in his samples, and he's seeing things that have almost slotted into place, are just on the verge of making sense, maybe blowing something wide open.

 

In the end, the only thing Newt blows wide open is a little sac full of a viscous fluid he's never encountered before. He's glad Hermann's not in the lab to berate him over it, and doesn't care where Hermann is, sweater abandoned over the back of his chair, all he cares about is that the proper procedure is going to involve at least a brief quarantine, which he so doesn't have time for. He alerts both security and medical once he's hosed himself down, and he's lucky-- he's not going to drop dead and the quarantine was ultimately unnecessary. He really hopes his date-- or, as is increasingly likely now, not-date-- will be able to laugh over the whole mess with him when he gets there. It's close, and he'll only be a half an hour late with how harmless the fluid sac had been. He just hopes he doesn't turn up to an empty table.

 

He runs all the way down to the cafe, pausing just outside to catch his breath, leaning against the window and panting like a madman, and he should fix his hair using his reflection, he should...

 

 _Shit_.

 

Hermann is right there, sitting alone at a table for two with a neglected teacup, his cane dangling prominently from the table's edge as he drums his fingers nervously. And without his hideous this-lab-is-too-cold grandpa sweater, he's...

 

 _Shit_.

 

He's wearing a blue shirt and a beige jacket, and checking the time on his phone, and looking just a little bit sadder, resigned maybe, and Newt is torn. He has no idea what to do,  but so many things fall into place, and he feels a little flicker of outrage at the thought that _he's_ the asshole coworker Hermann had complained about, but he knows that's kind of hypocritical.

 

He wonders who Hermann had thought was even worse to work with than he is.

 

It makes sense, he hates that it makes sense. They were on at the same time when they shared a Shatterdome, and then there was Sydney, and of course it would be _fucking Hermann Gottlieb_ , the guy who broke his heart the first time they met in person after exchanging a series of letters that were apparently only soul-baring on Newt's end.

 

There's a part of him that wants Hermann to feel what he'd felt, but he doesn't like that part of himself, he doesn't like the way it makes him feel to even entertain that thought. He doesn't want to hurt Hermann, whose only fault here was being entirely too easy to love as long as they never had to interact with each other in person.

 

 _Shit_.

 

He doesn't know what to say, when he enters the cafe and walks up to Hermann's table, and he wishes it didn't hurt when Hermann's smile fell immediately into something dismissive once the man actually looked up and recognized him. Hermann doesn't look at his wrist-- why would he? Newt wore the same basic thing every day. Just like Hermann wore a fuckton of beige and always carried a cane and Newt never once thought about that, never once thought he'd run into Hermann Gottlieb on a kink-based forum.

 

" _Doctor_ Geiszler, I do not take my lunch hour away from the Shatterdome so that I can be pestered by _you_." Hermann sighs.

 

"No, no, just... funny coincidence, seeing you here." Newt laughs nervously, and hates himself a little bit more. "Dude, are you waiting for a _date_?"

 

And maybe Hermann will just say no, and look at him like he's crazy, and that will be the end of it. He'll have been wrong, and he can go online and apologize for having been waylaid by a potential medical emergency and reschedule.

 

Except he knows that's not going to happen. It all comes together, slotting into place like the information he was getting from his samples almost did. It's always been Hermann.

 

"I am waiting on a _friend_." Hermann says snippily, folding his hands and raising his chin, like he's daring Newt to say anything about it. "With whom I have been corresponding, and who happens to be in Sydney."

 

"I guess I'd better disappear before this _friend_ shows up, huh?" Newt rubs at his arm, feeling something hot and prickly rising to his skin that he only wishes he could blame on a hideous infection that went unnoticed by Medical. "I'm kind of bad luck when it comes to that kind of thing."

 

Hermann's icy expression falls a little, his gaze dropping to the table. "He's running late. I don't suppose it hurts that you're here. He... might not make it, actually. I'm sure there's a good reason."

 

"Yeah. Dude, yeah. I mean, the city's pretty hectic and anyone still trying to get anything done here... Like, so much stuff is being rebuilt and shit takes a lot of time to get done out there. Hang on." Newt flags down a waitress, ordering a refill on Hermann's tea, a cup of coffee, and ice cream. "Maybe he got intimidated."

 

Hermann snorts. "Newton, I _hardly_ expect you to understand--"

 

"What? You're, like, a pretty successful guy. I mean, if there was any justice in the world, you know? You're kind of a genius, you coded the Mark I Jaegers, you look like somebody's stern professor, you could totally intimidate someone."

 

"Well, he does not know that I coded anything, we don't-- I don't talk about my work with the PPDC. It-- It's not a scientific relationship." Hermann blushes, shrugging his shoulders like an angry little bird fluffing itself up.

 

Newt really wishes that he didn't come up with adorable mental images for Hermann. It didn't do him any good when they first met, and it won't do him any good now.

 

"Oh."

 

"And I highly doubt that _he_ would find _me_ intimidating."

 

"You do still look like a stern professor." Newt offers.

 

"Well he doesn't know that either! Unless-- Unless you think he was... Unless he saw me and didn't-- and just left without coming inside..."

 

 _Shit_. Newt feels a stab of panic at the way Hermann starts to dissolve in front of him, stuffiness melting into self-doubt.

 

"Dude, dude, no. No, I'm sure that's not-- Look, I mean, obviously this can't get spread around the 'dome or anything, because everyone knows we hate each other, but you-- you're a good-looking guy."

 

He's a pathetic coward and he knows it, but at least he's not a complete dickbag. If he's going to be a coward, he's going to be the nicest coward he can be. Hermann just snorts and shakes his head, but there's a tiny smile.

 

"No, really." Newt presses, leaning in. "Like, you've got pretty eyelashes-- shit, sorry, is that not a cool thing to say to a dude? Nice eyelashes. Not 'pretty'. But nice. And really good bone structure, like _really_ good, and your mouth is probably someone's thing-- I mean, you know, just saying, everyone likes lips and everyone's got lips and everyone has lips that someone else thinks are great. You can stop me before this gets unbearable for both of us, you know."

 

"I could stand to hear you embarrass yourself further." Hermann chuckles.

 

They'd fought last night about the dumbest non-reasons, so bad that Newt had almost pulled out the kind of words he couldn't take back, and now Hermann is _smiling_ , he's _making_ Hermann smile, and it's so weird and so _good_ and it's a sharp, hot pain he can't forget, what a coward he is...

 

"You have a cute nose."

 

"I do not. It's-- I don't." Hermann shakes his head, cheeks pink, and Newt grins.

 

"It is. The more generously-schnozzed among us are jealous."

 

"You say that like you even have a-- an embarrassing 'schnozz'." He rolls his eyes.

 

"It's been this size since I was ten and it took me twenty years to grow into it and I'm still very insecure."

 

"That's a lie." Another eye roll, but another chuckle as well.

 

"Maybe it's true. You'll never know."

 

"You have a perfectly nice nose and you are merely making things up to try and make me feel better about my-- about my friend's non-arrival. I suppose I should thank you."

 

"Yeah, you totally should." Newt says, hoping that Hermann will be his old Hermann self and refuse to do so now that Newt has suggested it. He doesn't deserve thanks.

 

Hermann's expression softens. "Well, thank you, Newton. I appreciate it."

 

"Yeah, well... What was I supposed to do, you know?"

 

Except maybe man up and admit the truth, but he's been rejected by Hermann before for the crime of showing up in person and liking the guy... and he doesn't know if he's ready to deal with that again.

 

The drinks and ice cream arrive, and he pushes the bowl towards Hermann.

 

"This is for me?" He blinks, startled.

 

"Well, yeah. I don't know about how you do things in the wilds of Bavaria, but here on Earth, when dates don't show up, humans like to do a little thing called drowning their sorrows in ice cream."

 

"Bavaria is _on_ earth." Hermann scowls at him, the Rs rolling just a little, and Newt smiles at him, feels his stomach flip over.

 

"That's not how I remember it."

 

"And I am very human."

 

"Yeah... I know. Eat your damn ice cream, Hermann."

 

Hermann snorts, but when he looks up at Newt again, first bite melting on his tongue, it's with that softness. If it wasn't so ill-won, Newt thinks he'd love to get used to that look. The gratitude and the near-smile and the way it's as relaxed as he's ever seen Hermann look...

 

But it was ill-won, and the guilt eats at him as they sit quietly together, and as they return to the Shatterdome, and as he writes out a pretty bullshit apology.

 

_Hey, I feel like a complete dickbag for today. I really hope you don't think I blew you off because you aren't important to me or anything, I had a minor medical emergency while I was getting ready to pack it in for my lunch break so I could meet you and I had to sit around with a doctor for way too fucking long and then I didn't even think you'd still be there when I got out. Anyway no need to freak, I'll be just fine. The worst part was ruining our date. Or not-date. I was thinking about you the whole time and stressing about it, which didn't help because then they said I had an elevated heart rate and I had to explain it was just white coat syndrome, but anyway, I'm sorry about leaving you hanging._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

It... wasn't totally lies, but he doesn't feel great about hitting send, either. Not hitting send feels worse, though-- Hermann's feelings are important. Newt is almost afraid to open his response when it comes, knowing he'll be getting sympathy he also doesn't deserve, and maybe an offer to reschedule that he won't be able to accept.

 

_It's a relief to know you're all right and that it wasn't more serious, then. I was a little worried I'd been given the brush off after twenty minutes had passed, I admit. Is there another time you're free before you have to leave Sydney? I'm sure I can be flexible. And it wasn't terrible. Well, it was a little-- it was less than ideal, but these things happen._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

Newt's never been less happy to have called something. This is way unfair to Hermann. Newt can either blow him off or he can admit everything and ruin everything, and he doesn't know which is going to be worse, but he knows he can't deal with knowing he's talking to Hermann when Hermann doesn't know he's talking to Newt. Can't deal with knowing it's been Hermann he's learned so many intimate details about, Hermann who confided in him in one of their back-and-forths that he prefers the traffic light system because it allows him to slow things down and change positions when he's hurting and doesn't want a scene to stop, Hermann who once confessed to having been tied up for three hours before an important exam back when he was a university student because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to get past his nerves and focus. And Hermann has no idea that any of his own admissions are his.

 

_I really don't know when it's going to be possible right now but believe me I want things to work out more than anything. I'll see what I can do and get back to you? Again I'm super sorry._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Of course. I hope you have the time. It might be our only chance for a while. I wound up spending the time with that coworker I've told you about, so I wasn't completely alone the whole time._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_The big asshole? I'm very, very, very sorry about that._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

That one is absolutely true, at least... Newt groans and hits send.

 

_Don't be. It was... nice. He bought me ice cream. Apparently that's what people do when their dates don't show up. Or their non-dates. Whichever one we might have been. It was like he was a completely different person. I feel quite awful, actually-- I treated him so poorly last night and now today in spite of that he was so nice to me. If it had been the other way around, he'd have accused me of being taken over by alien mind-control or something inane like that, it's just so different from how we always are. I liked it. I feel torn now. Well, it's silly. I'm sure I just looked pathetic and miserable and he felt sorry for me. But it was still nice._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

_Well you're allowed to look miserable when your kinda-date doesn't show up. I'm glad you could still have a good time. I feel really guilty that's all._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

_Maybe you can make it up to me by finding another opening in your schedule, then. It was silly of me to be nervous, I should have known you wouldn't disappear on me on purpose. Talking to you is like talking to an old friend... I should never have worried._

- **OfferingMyThroat**

 

Of all the things that Hermann has ever said to him, that one hurts the most. Having all the knowledge when Hermann has none is not the kind of power imbalance Newt considers fun, or remotely acceptable even. This wasn't something they agreed on. He stares at Hermann's username and the icon with the red roses, and remembers Hermann's chalk tapping against his board in a distracted tattoo in time with music he'd called a distraction. Not an annoyance or a crime or a garbled mess of sound, but a distraction, because 'not all of us can listen to our music', he'd been playing Hermann's music and it had been a distraction because he'd liked it, not because he'd hated it, Hermann liked fast, loud, over-the-top rock music and songs about being young and reckless, about feelings operatic in their intensity, love and despair and anger at levels that you only felt when you were a hormonal teen with no grasp of scale-- or when you were Newt and you had a pretty bad case of arrested development. Or when you were Hermann and you craved the feeling of being swept away on something you could never dream of controlling.

 

_I feel the same way. I'll talk to you soon. Promise._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

He heads back to the lab, and finds Hermann there, hunched over his laptop. His heart clenches and his stomach twists and his palms sweat, and Hermann must have closed out any less-than-professional browser windows, since he doesn't look guilty or furtive in the slightest.

 

"So I've pretty much been the biggest bag of dicks imaginable." Newt says, voice catching in his throat just a little.

 

Hermann looks a little startled, but only a very little bit. "On the contrary, you were actually quite thoughtful today."

 

"No. I wasn't." He shakes his head, pacing a little. "I wanted to be, but I wasn't. I was a coward and I didn't want you to hate me again like the first time, and I should have just said something--"

 

"What do you mean said something?" His brow furrows, and he gets to his feet, approaching Newt by just a couple of steps. "For pity's sake, Newton, stop pacing. Sit down if you absolutely must. I don't-- I don't hate you. I'm... I'm actually sorry that we-- We got off on a poor foot a long time ago and a lot of that is my fault, but I don't hate you any more than you do me. You said plenty, I'm not sure what you think you have to apologize for."

 

"Godzilla." Newt blurts out. Of course he does.

 

"Well, yes, it's about time you apologized for Godzilla." Hermann rolls his eyes and turns back to his work station. "Now if that's all...?"

 

"I used Godzilla's nickname. One of them." He presses forward, following Hermann-- only two steps, only to keep the exact same distance between them. "Although we have the same initial I guess, so..."

 

Hermann looks up, and the penny hasn't dropped, but Newt knows it's not far. He swallows hard and wipes his sweating palms on his thighs.

 

"It's me. I should have told you but all I could think about was how things went the first time we met and I couldn't say anything. It's me." He says, and Hermann just stares at him blankly, and he clears his throat, hands balling up into still-sweaty fists as he reaches for a way to trigger that understanding, and finds it in Hermann's own screen name. "You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth."

 

"What words are you talking about?" Hermann asks, his face screwing up, one part confusion and one part 'fed up with Newt Geiszler's shit', a look Newt is all too familiar with.

 

"On a hot summer's night, would you offer your throat, to the wolf with the red roses?"

 

Hermann blanches, and then his face goes red, and he's about as pissed off as Newt had expected he would be.

 

"What the _hell_ is the meaning of this?" He asks, his voice low.

 

"Just what I'm trying to tell you. It was me. I'm the guy. I was in quarantine, a little sac about the size of a navel orange burst after you left the lab, and then I ran over and I looked in the window and I saw you and I was very fucking intimidated, okay? I was terrified, because of course it was you and of course if you saw me come in and join you you'd--"

 

"I would what?" Hermann snaps, gripping the back of his chair in addition to his cane, quivering. Newt doesn't know if it's exhaustion or rage and he knows he is not allowed to ask right now. "I would say it had been a mistake? I would leave? I would what? What would I do to you that justified your lying to me?"

 

"I didn't say it was justified."

 

"You're damn right it's not! You lied to me!"

 

"I didn't--"

 

"You _lied_. And you know... you _know_ how I feel about trust."

 

"Yeah. I know."

 

"Were you laughing at me?"

 

"What? No! I didn't even know until I showed up and you were there and I wasn't even sure until I asked if you were waiting for someone, this was never a joke to me, Hermann--"

 

"That is Doctor Gottlieb to you, thank you."

 

"--I wouldn't do that to you!"

 

"Wouldn't you? You've done enough, I don't suppose it matters. And then you have the utter gall to write me and pretend you never made it to see me! To ask about who I was with as if you didn't know! Did it feel good, getting your ego stroked while I sat there in the dark? Pushing me to talk you up?"

 

"Whoa, that is not what I was doing! I just wanted to apologize, I wanted you to know I didn't-- I didn't know how to tell you, okay? And the guilt has been eating me alive! But I didn't want you to think I was an asshole."

 

"I don't need to _think_ you are an asshole, Doctor Geiszler, I have quite enough proof to form a working theory!"

 

"Everything I did, it may not have been right, I know I fucked up, but shit, Hermann, I was thinking about how not to hurt you!" He says, almost a plea-- no, definitely a plea-- and he takes another step forward, reaching out imploringly.

 

" _Rot_!" Hermann shouts, all but screams it, and his shoulders come up-- not like an angry little bird at all this time, but stiff, and Newt stops short.

 

He's never heard that tone come out of Hermann, in all the times he's pissed the other man off. This is the voice of a man at his absolute limit, and no matter how much Newt wants to make his case heard, he knows he needs to back down. It's something cold in his gut, and he takes a quick step back, his hands dropping.

 

"I-- I'll talk to you tomorrow." He says quietly, shuffling for the door. "Sorry."

 

Hermann doesn't respond, and Newt doesn't stick around. It's clear enough he'll only do more harm than good if he tries.


	7. The Way We Were

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt feels terrible, Hermann doesn't want to talk about it.

**TheyCallMeBigG** _Are you on?_

 

 **CatLuvr13** _Yeah. Spending the day off with my guy, watching TV and eating pizza. Long time no see, did you make a friend? ^_6_

 

 **CatLuvr13** _*^_^_

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _I fucked up._

 

 **CatLuvr13** _With your new friend?_

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _My old friend. My used-to-be-my-best-friend but then when we met IRL we got into a huge fight and I was an asshole because he hurt my feelings really bad, and then we were coworkers who fought all of the time because of how badly we hit it off that once and then I found literally the perfect sub online only when we arranged a meeting..._

 

 **CatLuvr13** _omg you're better than a soap opera. I mean, I am really sorry, but seriously. I don't even watch soap operas. But that's some... you know, that's a dramatic irony situation. It was your ex-friend?_

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _We agreed to meet up and I saw him and I panicked, okay?_

 

 **CatLuvr13** _What did you do?_

 

**TheyCallMeBigG** _I pretended it wasn't me. I panicked! And he didn't even think_

 

**TheyCallMeBigG** _I mean I wouldn't have thought of him in a million years except it was pretty obvious when I got there, so even though I fit the description I gave him, he didn't notice any of that, so when he didn't seem to think of it, I didn't say anything._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _I mean I said things but not about that._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _It's kind of worse than that, I asked if he was there to meet someone just in case maybe I was mistaken but he totally was, he was there to meet me and I chickened out so bad._

 

**CatLuvr13** _Wow._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _I know! It's bad. I bought him dessert though._

 

 **CatLuvr13** _I mean wow._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _It gets worse actually_

 

 **CatLuvr13** _I don't see how it can, tbh_

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _I had an attack of conscience so I told him and now he won't talk to me. He says I lied. Which I guess I did, by omission? But I did it because I freaked out and I didn't want us to fight and I didn't want to hurt him so I tried to fix it and I didn't fix it._

 

 **CatLuvr13** _ngl that is some serious shit and I wouldn't feel much like talking to you either if you were my prospective Dom and you pulled that. Hang on, my guy's gonna take my laptop and advise you all 'man to man'. Or Dom to Dom anyway._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _K_

 

Newt isn't sure what to expect out of this 'Dom to Dom' talk-- and he realizes, looking at 'man to man', that he's known CatLuvr a while and they've talked about some pretty intimate stuff, and he couldn't say with any certainty if CatLuvr even had a gender, let alone which it would be. CatLuvr's photos are all of cups of coffee, cute things shaped like cats, and sometimes pictures of unisex things from their wardrobe with captions like 'oops, laundry day' or 'date night! Goin to the movies!', possibly a nod to their Dom's need for privacy. Every so often there's a body part in the frame, but never anything that Newt is comfortable making a call based on. Honestly, he wouldn't make that call based on genitals, either, so he's not sure what he expects.

 

 **CatLuvr13** _Hey. Wanna know something very important? This is coming from an old married Dom (okay I'm being told to clarify we aren't old-old haha). Everyone fucks up, it's okay._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _I fucked up for serious._

 

 **CatLuvr13** _Yeah, I can see that. Honesty is important, but you can't self-flagellate forever for something you did in a moment of panic. You came around and did the right thing eventually by coming clean. What was your relationship before you fucked up?_

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _Uh... we didn't really... We talked a lot and basically we kind of agreed that we'd see if there were sparks in person. Friends, I guess. I mean, I kind of had some feelings for him, but neither of us made any promises._

 

**CatLuvr13** _Okay. Well, it could be worse, but right now this guy is probably feeling a huge sting. That doesn't mean he'll never forgive you._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _You don't understand though, he hates me. He HATES me._

 

 **CatLuvr13** _Okay, well you wanna know something else important? I fucked up once. Really badly. When CL and I were living separately because of some work-related junk, I wasn't honest when I should have been. I really hurt CL's feelings because I was afraid of my emotional shit, and I deserved some anger and some mistrust because of how I acted. But that was years ago and now we have a house and pets and we're coming up on our eighth wedding anniversary. So these things can be fixed if you're ready to be honest and emotionally open, and if you're able to be patient and let him work through his hurt._

 

**TheyCallMeBigG** _I just don't know if he's ever going to want to forgive me, considering he hates me so much in person_

 

 **CatLuvr13** _Well clearly you guys have something. You just need to get over whatever makes it weird in person. Which I also get. I mean, I never hated CL, I'm just really bad at first anything, and we met irl and if I'd just known from the start neither of us was vanilla it would have been easier. Being a Dom is a lot easier than being a person fumbling through introductions and phone calls and first dates and stuff._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _Ugh I'm glad I'm not the only person who's awkward as hell when I'm not in Dom mode sometimes. I used to be really self consciou about that_

 

**TheyCallMeBigG** _*conscious_

 

 **CatLuvr13** _Oh, me too. I was self conscious about everything until I found the part of me that really, really isn't. I was lucky. Hey, I fucked up majorly back when it was hell to try to so much as schedule a phone call let alone actually spend real time together, and I still got taken back. So chin up._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _Thanks dude._

 

**CatLuvr13** _No prob. I know what it's like to be in agony over hurting someone you care about, and how hard it can be to be honest when the truth hurts. And it sounds like you guys have a complicated history, but a little time and space and a genuine apology can work wonders. If it's meant to be, then he'll come around when the hurt has had time to fade and when you can both talk about it rationally and calmly as well as honestly. Or at least semi-calm. I'd give you my recommendations for what to do when all else fails but I've been informed most people don't like documentaries about the evolution of virulent diseases as much as I do. (but there's a new one on netflix and it's really good so if you do...)_

 

**TheyCallMeBigG** _Wait, virulent or viral?_

 

 **CatLuvr13** _Virulent. And bacterial._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _Awesome. That sounds like something I can drown my sorrows in. I mean, viruses are okay I guess. I mean, I prefer studying lifeforms on a macro level but micro is all good. Love a slick science doc._

 

**CatLuvr13** _Am I the only one who just wants to watch people competitively bake cupcakes? (me again I took my laptop back hiii) Not that I DON'T love science documentaries, I mean who doesn't. Like, ones about the ecosystem of the savannah with all the cute lions hunting gazelles. Or birds or fish or machines making things over and over again or really beautiful outer space stuff or whatever, but hideous diseases, guys? That's even worse than geology. (I don't want to hear about how volcanoes are formed, I just don't. I've never seen a volcano and I never will._

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _I've seen volcanoes. Not that impressed, tbh. I'm more a biology guy._

 

 **CatLuvr13** _See, that's fun and interesting, I assume. Except for possibly anything to do with hideous diseases. No diseases and no volcanoes, is that so much to ask? I will watch how ANYTHING is made (except volcanoes), and anything with animals or stars. ANYWAY, enjoy watching a frightening documentary about bacteria if that's what you're into, I literally looked through my fingers like I was five years old. Good luck making up with your guy. It was a crappy move, but you're a good guy, so... hope you work something out. I'M going to watch competitive cupcake baking, and I'm going to try to not think about diseases while I do. TTFN_

 

 **TheyCallMeBigG** _See you around. And thanks_

 

Newt feels a little bit better. He doesn't think Hermann is ready to talk to him, but he sends him a message titled 'apology' and hopes that when Hermann is ready, he'll read it.

 

_Hey. So I know I fucked up really badly. It was panic and stupidity, and even though hurting you was the very last thing I wanted, it's exactly what I did. I'm sorry, and I want to be better, and I want us to be able to be friends again, because talking with you on here has been good for me. And when I did learn it was you, I realized how much I've missed us being friends. I miss you. I miss the science side of you and I miss this side of you, and I just miss being your friend. I can't go back in time and handle the other night better, and it's useless to sit around wishing I could, but it's not useless to promise to do everything I can to not hurt you like that again. So this is me, promising to be better. I understand if you don't want to give me another chance to be more than just a friend to you, but I hope that you can give me another chance to be your friend._

- **TheyCallMeBigG**

 

He waits up until the wee small hours of the morning refreshing and awaiting a response, but one never comes. When he goes into the lab, Hermann doesn't mention it, and neither does he. It is a little soon for that. He spends the day taking Hermann's abuse and wondering why Hermann gets more and more agitated the longer Newt goes without rising to his bait, until he realizes bait is what it _is_.

 

"I don't want to fight." He sighs, shoulders slumping.

 

"Well I do." Hermann's voice is brittle, and he doesn't look away from his equations. "Fighting is normal. You and I fight, it is what we _do_. And I very much need for things to go back to _normal_ right now. Is that all right with you?"

 

Newt hesitates, nods.

 

"I wrote you an apology..." He starts.

 

" _I don't want your damn apology_." Hermann snaps.

 

"Of course you don't." Newt snaps back. It's what Hermann asked for-- 'normal'. "I mean, God forbid I not be the bad guy! Okay, Hermann, fine. You want this? Fine. I'll be exactly as _normal_ as you want!"

 

"As if you could ever manage that!"

 

"Oh, yeah, that one hurts a lot coming from you. I don't exactly see you pulling a nine to five and going home to a wife and two point five kids! Who wants to be normal?!"

 

" _Doctor_ Geiszler, just do your _work_ and let me do _mine_!" Hermann's cane pounds the concrete floor with each stressed word.

 

"That's what I WAS doing and you told me to be 'normal'!" Newt roars, sweeping a rotting chunk of kaiju off of his lab table. "How's this for normal, huh? You want me to make a big mess so you can berate me for it? You want me to start playing music you hate again so you can feel _normal_?"

 

"I want you to stop talking about normality and just go back to the way things were!" Hermann shouts, flinging an eraser at Newt's head and missing by a couple of inches. The eraser bounces into a sink.

 

"The way things _were_?" Newt's voice reaches a screech, and he winces at himself. "I'd love that, Hermann, I really would. I wish we were the way we were right now. If I could rub a _magic lamp_ and ask a genie for three wishes, I'd wish us back to the way we were before I ever _met_ you! And then I'd ask for a _sandwich_ , and then I'd ask to get to see one of these bad boys up close before they become highly unstable rotting _carcasses_!"

 

"Well, fine then!" Hermann screams at him.

 

"Fine!" Newt strips his gloves off and storms out of the lab, only to slink back in not a moment later to clean up after his rampage, dumping the chunk of kaiju in with the bio waste and scrubbing down properly, liberally coating half his lab in Lysol.

 

It doesn't exactly make for a strong exit, but it put an effective cap on their fight, and Hermann is working again with a driving fire and a straight posture that means inspiration is coursing through his veins and his pain isn't overwhelming him. Maybe he was right, and shouting at each other is what he needs now.

 

He just hopes Hermann understands he's only doing it because he was asked, only doing it because it keeps them productive. He just hopes Hermann didn't delete his apology unread.


	8. Meanwhile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this is what Hermann goes through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter from Hermann's POV, because I wanted to show that Hermann has a support system of his own rather than being a total hermit, and some of what he's feeling.

The trip to Hong Kong is far too much time on a plane with Newton, and after what he'd pulled, Hermann doesn't even want to look at him. If there's one thing he's grateful for, it's that the other man finally agreed to behave as normal. He isn't ready to hash out what's changed. He needs to be able to work and he can't do that when he has to deal with his personal life on top of things-- not when this is the mess his personal life has become.

 

It's a riot of confusion he can't afford. The feelings he'd developed for a man he'd thought was a stranger, one he could have considered trusting himself to... and the feelings he'd felt stirring after so many years when Newton had showed him that kindness in the cafe, only to discover it wasn't sincere at all, that it was all a lie, that Newton had acted with that concern and kindness not because he was a friend, but because he didn't want to be there as Hermann's date.

 

It stings too much if he lets him think about it. Everything about himself he'd given up only to have it come to that. All a lie.

 

At least he still has one friend he can trust, since he can no longer talk to-- to _Newton_. Of all people, him! Of course he'd backed out, but he could have done it without that awful farce, without twisting the knife when it all came out. You're not good enough to love, it had said, but you're good enough to boost my ego with.

 

Dr. Benjamin Garriot had been in Hermann's class in the academy, though they were quickly assigned to different teams working in different Shatterdomes. They'd wound up working together when budgets had been slashed. They worked in the same general field, though with different specializations, and they'd gotten along well-- not too close to step on each other's toes when it came to work, but enough to understand what the other was working on, with Benjamin's outgoing nature making up for Hermann's reticence. He wasn't the sort of friend Hermann felt he could spend hours with, but he was someone Hermann had considered good to know. Their correspondence following their academy days was always work-based, nothing like the passionate exchange he'd once had with Newton, but there was always a note of genuine friendliness.

 

Most importantly, the one time Hermann had braved going to a restaurant where he knew a munch was taking place-- though he had not braved joining it-- he'd seen Benjamin sitting with a large group of strangers who could not have had anything else in common, laughing and having fun.

 

Nothing intimate had come of the knowledge-- he'd braved asking about it in private, they'd been at the same 'dome at the time, after all. They were both submissives, and even if they hadn't been, Hermann's feelings didn't change towards the man just because he knew they shared this secret. It just meant they each had someone to confide in when they needed it, about more intimate matters.

 

Benjamin had fallen victim to the cuts eventually, along with his team-- Albie Wyatt, Hermann remembers, and a Dr. something Ross, or a Dr. Ross something. Phyllis Greenblatt had been the team's leader, Hermann remembers her very clearly, he'd often been in direct communication with her once they were the only two groups working the physics angle for the PPDC, he in charge of his team and she in charge of hers... When he'd lost his own team, she and hers had gone in one fell swoop, leaving him alone.

 

Well, not alone. Leaving him with Newton, who'd lost the biology department of K-sci at the same rate...

 

He's not sure where in the world Benjamin is, his new job has him moving around, but he's immensely grateful that he's online when Hermann opens up his laptop to avail himself of the plane's wi-fi for the ten hour flight to Hong Kong. He just goes through regular instant messaging-- going onto the forum to message him would mean seeing his inbox, seeing Newton's damned apology sitting there. That's something Hermann isn't ready to do.

 

 **HGottlieb** _Bad news._

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _Bad kaiju news or bad personal news?_

 

 **HGottlieb** _Personal. Not that the kaiju news is very good. I'm not allowed to discuss it any longer now that you're a civilian, but I hope you're somewhere inland. Not that it will matter for much longer, if we can't end it once and for all._

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _Well fuck. And it's okay we're talking to investors in the midwest for an important thing. Francis is here, he wishes he was there. Layoffs, though... there's not a whole lot of room in the last dome on earth, you know?_

 

 **HGottlieb** _Do I know this Francis?_

 

Was Francis Dr. Ross? Hermann can't recall, and wouldn't be sure if it was Ross Francis or Francis Ross either way. He didn't know how many of Benjamin's old team had stuck it out together when they left the PPDC, but he'd like to think Benjamin is working with at least someone he knows well.

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _Maybe not. He was in security in Lima and we met when he showed me his handcuffs and the rest is kind of history. So now he does security for a very small corporation working out how to mine asteroids._

 

 **HGottlieb** _I see. And does this make your IM handle remotely professional? Are there special 'space pants' involved when you mine asteroids? I know you can't see my expression, but imagine me raising an eyebrow at you skeptically._

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _Not remotely, because my IM handle doesn't NEED to be professional, MOM. 'yes these are space pants, but my ass is still out of this world' wouldn't fit. Tell me about your bad news, forget about my dumb handle._

 

 **HGottlieb** _It's the Dominant I met online._

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _Did he turn out to be an asshole in person?_

 

 **HGottlieb** _A very specific asshole, actually. It was Dr. Geiszler._

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _Pull the ohter one Geiszler?@!_ _The 'kaiju groupie' Geisxler?nwith the tattoos?_

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _No way. Geiszler is a Dom? that's weird to me honestly I would not have guessed that. He strikes me as a guy who needs to be kept on a leash. Coming from a guy who needs to be kept on a leash. So I guess things didn't work out._

 

 **HGottlieb** _Maybe things still would have-- at least we could have been friends, except when he saw that it was me, he pretended to be there by total coincidence instead of admitting that it was him all along. And he asked me about my date as if he didn't know. Just once to find out if I was waiting for someone I could understand but then he wrote me and talked about it like he was never there! Dropping plenty of opportunities for me to say nice things about him, leading me on..._

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _So wait, how did you find out it was him?_

 

 **HGottlieb** _The guilt finally ate away at him and he admitted to the whole ruse._

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _You really think you would have gotten along okay if he'd been honest about it up front?_ _I know you don't exactly get along anymore..._

 

 **HGottlieb** _Eventually. We might have laughed about it. We could have tried. It would have been awkward but maybe. At least it would be mutually assured destruction for either of us to out the other and we could have tried to forget the whole thing on even ground. But he lied to me._

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _Well I'm sorry it happened like that. If I was still in the PPDC with you I'd give him a piece of my mind. Or have him wrongfully put in the brig. or whatever the dome has instead of a brig idk I just know a guy with handcuffs._

 

 **HGottlieb** _I doubt wrongful imprisonment is the answer but thank you. I just feel so betrayed. I trusted him and I was falling for him and he... he lied to me like that, writing afterwards and making it sound as if it hadn't been him there at all. He even made me worry about him, telling me an accident had made him late! And all the time he'd been sitting there, knowing it was me and not saying a thing._

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _That's pretty low. He made up an accident?_

 

 **HGottlieb** _Well, no. But it was a lab accident, in *our* lab, and it was his own damned fault! And it only held him up by thirty minutes, he didn't miss me at all when he got there!_

 

 **YesTheseAreSpacePants** _Okay. Still pretty low, but not, like, sociopath low. Other fish in the sea, right?_

 

 **HGottlieb** _I don't even want to think about what's in the sea._

 

Hermann sighs, excusing himself from the chat and shutting down his laptop so that he can try to get a nap in. There's enough flight left, but Newton is in his head now, all the things he'd admitted to when he thought it was... anyone other than Newton. All the secrets he'd been trusted with, if they were even the truth. Now there's a sick doubt that creeps into everything he'd once believed about the friend he'd thought he'd made.

 

Newton had sounded so ideal, when he'd been someone else in Hermann's mind-- kind, accommodating, flexible, the kind of man he could trust to tie him up and blindfold him and control his environment, the kind of man he could let go in front of in person the way he had in those messages. They'd never gotten so far as to plan anything like that, but the possibility of something happening down the road was there, and it had been an attractive thought. Someone he could trust like that, when he had so few people he could trust absolutely... Someone who would make Hermann's needs his first priority, and who knew how to take control to do so. Someone who made him laugh, who recommended films that he'd enjoyed...

 

Maybe he should have known. Maybe the music should have tipped him off, he thinks-- the way his first recommendations had been exactly the sort of garbage Newton always played in the lab, the stuff Hermann wanted to get away from. The way that, the day after Hermann had shared his own tastes, Newton had played _Hermann's_ music in the lab instead of his own-- not that he'd known then.

 

He can't tell himself he'd have handled things perfectly, but he's adamant he wouldn't have lied. He wouldn't have sent those misleading messages, if it was him arriving late. And if it was, he doesn't think he'd have recognized Newton as his date... he'd have gone home dejected thinking he'd been too late, likely.

 

In the end, it's the messages that form the sticking point for him. Maybe after a day or two of sulking and fighting, he'd have forgiven the initial reaction, but writing to him in the guise of a stranger afterwards, that's where Hermann draws the line. He can't understand how Newton could do that to him, not if he truly cared at all.


	9. A Most Peculiar Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still brimming with hurt on both sides, Newt and Hermann are forced to work together without any real break from each other... and the break they get isn't the break they want. 
> 
> Luckily, by the end of the night, they'll get to see the whole situation from each others' point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back to Newt's POV. Newt himself, on the other hand...

As much as Newt hates falling into old patterns again, he has to admit they're easy. Bickering with Hermann is something he could probably do in his sleep. Just because he's in love with the guy, some things never change. Just because he'd like to be better doesn't mean he has the luxury.

 

In fact, it's clear the moment they arrive in Hong Kong how few luxuries he and Hermann are going to get. Time and space to themselves is one of those luxuries they _don't_ have.

 

There are a lot of worst parts, and Newt isn't great at putting them in any real order. Obviously being humanity's last ditch effort with a budget of nothing is the number one worst part, and after that any ranking system falls apart. The punchiness that comes from a chronic lack of sleep, the fact that his ideas are too big and no one is ready for them-- and the world doesn't have _time_ for Newt to wait around for the world to be _ready for his ideas_...

 

Hermann. Hermann is on that list time and time again. The fact that Hermann won't talk about where things went wrong and won't let Newt apologize or try to make amends, even to keep peace in the lab. The fact that Hermann doesn't _want_ peace in the lab, for all that he likes to pretend he's the mature one. The fact that Newt is in love with Hermann anyway and while he doesn't have the luxury of dwelling on it-- there's that word again, _luxury_ , always popping up to describe something Newt lacks-- he still can't completely shut the feeling away or make it stop.

 

The jealousy, when he sees the way Hermann looks at Stacker Pentecost.

 

Okay, sure, Newt can understand that. Pentecost isn't his own type, for fairly obvious reasons. He doesn't think it would be possible to Dom that man, and he really doesn't think he's the guy who could ever be the one to try. He'd listen to him read the phone book and he'd put money on the man looking good naked, but he can't fathom personally having a crush on him or anything.

 

Obviously Hermann does. Maybe not a 'crush', but he gets that look like he's seeking approval that has to be handed down from on high, goes all submissive where he should be crabby and contemptuous. He'd be crabby and contemptuous to anyone else without some kind of advanced degree, but with Pentecost, he looks like he's ready to roll over and show his belly and it puts the fucking Gordian knot in Newt's gut to watch it. If he'd known how to handle things better in Sydney, would he get to be on the receiving end of that look? Would Hermann ache for _his_ approval, stand at attention for him all breathless, suspended in time until he got his due praise? 

 

Not in the lab, of course, but in private? Newt isn't sure. Maybe things would be less bitter between them, but it's _him_ , he doesn't hold a whole lot of illusions about how Hermann thinks of him-- thought of him, that is, before he really fucked things up.

 

And Hermann salutes, even though he really doesn't have to, and Newt hates it, and it never used to bother him... he's seen Hermann salute military authority at other 'domes before Hong Kong, and he'd always considered it laughable, a little affectation maybe. Now it's weighty with meaning, and maybe if anyone else was in charge of the last Shatterdome, it wouldn't be so bad anyway... but the way things are, he can't stand it.

 

Luckily, Hermann wants them to fight-- like _normal_ \-- anyway, and so Newt does everything he can to pull attention to himself. He wants Hermann's, but he'll settle for Pentecost's, for the hot asshole Ranger's, for Hansen's, for any attention he can get.

 

Attention, in this case, comes in the form of a whole lot of No.

 

Luckily, Newt is the smartest man in the Shatterdome, and he feels confident overruling each and every no that he gets. He's high on his own defiance, on the thrill of building something, of being on the edge of a major breakthrough. He's high on hurt and anger, for himself and for Hermann, for everything that's gone wrong. High on the need to show everyone exactly what he can do, why he's the genius here, why he's right and they're all so, so wrong, and Hermann is a genius too, sure, but he's an idiot genius, he won't listen, and he won't let Newt explain, or apologize, or even drop the act where their hatred is remotely mutual. He doesn't think he's asking for so much-- he's not asking for Hermann to love him, not now. Not when he knows he did mess up bad, and he knows Hermann was hurt by it. He's only asking to be allowed to not pretend he hates Hermann, to be allowed to have and express his own emotions while asking for nothing in return for them.

 

His hands are shaking by the time he's done, and he doesn't know himself half of what he left on the Dictaphone, and plunges forward with his experiment before he can think better of it and then everything is blue and wrong, his head aches, feels like it stretches from the inside out to accommodate a consciousness so different from human that he can barely comprehend the things he senses. He sees colors, then, that he shouldn't be able to, that his eyes should refuse to see. He thinks he tastes something, but it is not with his own mouth, something hot and salty like a milkshake after dental work, the opposite of what his brain tells him he should experience. Everything is somehow the opposite of what it should be, and he doesn't have the right words for half of it.

 

He feels _adrift_ , and so small. And at the same time so large, so vast, so _multiple_. He is a speck. He is legion. He is being sewn together fiber by fiber, and even without pain as he knows it connected to the experience, the discomfort is so sharp and so intense, as his muscles weave themselves into bundles only half-familiar from guesswork, from dissecting the smallest pieces of a whole. He can feel himself threatening to vibrate apart and the kaiju are gone, but the shaking isn't, the taste of copper is thick where he once tasted heat-- _tasted heat_!-- and everything throbs and sparks and he is a speck, he is a speck, he is something ugly and contemptible, something to be hated. He sees himself and feels revulsion. He might be wet, he doesn't know anymore. He wants to scratch at the weird itch inside himself, where he can still feel a body that isn't his being made.

 

He's forgotten how his own senses work, his head swims. When he comes back to himself, Hermann is there, and Pentecost, and he has a glass of water in his hand. Newt doesn't remember that. He thinks he should. Hermann picks at him, even though obviously his plan worked, it just worked, and he's in no mood to react well, but there's a little calm voice in the back of his head that says it's all right if Hermann is arguing with him, because Hermann is paying attention to _him_ now. And with a better brain, he could prove that he deserves that attention, that respect.

 

With that thought, the high is back. It's not sound reasoning, but then, Newt no longer feels like a particularly sound man. He feels even less sound than he's been feeling since the cafe, and the fight. He feels as un-sound as he's ever been. It doesn't matter. The little voice is the only part of him that even _sounds_ calm, so if it's off the deep end too, then Newt's in no place to judge. It tells him he can get Hermann's respect back if he _saves the fucking world_. And if he doesn't save the world, then he won't really be in the position to care about having _anyone's_ respect.

 

That high carries him through, lets him latch onto the fascination instead of the fear, up until the sirens sound.

 

After that, it's a blur of terror-- and yes, fascination, but this time it's the fascination that takes a back seat, until he finally finds himself miraculously still alive and in possession of a very fresh brain.

 

A very fresh brain, and a very anxious Hermann, and in between the alien sensations that flood his mind when they enter the Drift together...

 

In between all that, there is Hermann. Those feelings are familiar, and Newt doesn't chase them, but he lets human thoughts and emotions and memories wash through him. He lets them tether him, so that he is no longer adrift in something incomprehensible.

 

Hermann's childhood is so like his own, not in terms of events or family structure, but in terms of raw emotions. Of being gifted and being alone too often. He holds onto what he has of Hermann while he does his best to look into the hivemind. His own memories rush past, and he lets them. University, both as a student and as a faculty member... his first tattoo, his second... his childhood. The day he'd walked up to that cafe and seen Hermann and panicked. 

 

Two things hit him at once, then-- the knowledge of the breach and how the plan that may already be in motion is doomed to fail, and himself, bleeding and seizing on the floor. The hivemind feels secure in their system of repelling intruders, or did feel that way, and Newt isn't sure if they know that he knows, or if they can only guess at what it is he sees, it's hard to know. With the way they process information so differently, with the way they view humanity, he has no idea if they understand which tidbits of information he's even capable of gleaning through the Drift. And Hermann... Hermann had been felt shock. Panic. Regret.

 

There's no time to examine Hermann's mind. As soon as it's over, as soon as they're able, it's all about stopping the kaiju.

 

It's only after, when the Shatterdome has erupted into cheers, that Newt feels like he can breathe again, and then Hermann is sidling close to him, and the look on his face is...

 

The look on Hermann's face is exquisite.

 

He wraps an arm around Hermann's shoulders, and after a moment, he steers him away from the celebration, down a quiet corridor. Hermann moves with him, wordless, and there's a tug somewhere in Newt's chest that makes him stand a little straighter, that keeps his pace synched perfectly with Hermann's until they come to a stop and move to face each other.

 

Hermann ducks his head, glancing at Newt through his lashes-- and those, those are also exquisite, but not half so much as the tiny hint of a smile, not quite nervous. The slight flush to his cheeks.

 

"I feel like I should apologize." Newt starts, his hand coming up to cup Hermann's face.

 

"I feel like I should let you. And... that I should, as well."

 

"I'm sorry that I made you feel... feel betrayed, like that. It wasn't what I meant, and I really fucked that one up. And I'm sorry I scared the crap out of you, I didn't-- I didn't think..."

 

"I am sorry that I... I let past prejudices color my views. Not that you were not in the wrong, but that I ascribed motives to you entirely because I have been hurt before by others. And I am sorry if I made it sound as if I doubted you, when my own motives were..."

 

"You cared about me?" Newt smiles.

 

"I certainly cared if you lived or died." Hermann huffs and looks away, but it's barely a moment before he is leaning into the hand that strokes his cheek, eyes fluttering closed. "I've always cared. You have a singular ability when it comes to irritating me, angering me, even. But I have always cared."

 

"Ditto. I, uh... I care kind of a lot."

 

"Speaking of care, I would like to know that your brain isn't going to dribble out of your ears." Hermann coughs gently but pointedly, and Newt laughs.

 

"Come on." He drops his hand from Hermann's cheek, placing it at the small of his back instead. "Medical will see us both together. That's SOP for Drift partners."

 

"Yes." Hermann beams, straightening up as best he can in spite of a persistent twinge. "Yes, it is, isn't it?"


	10. Fallout, Fall In, Fall Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After VK-Day, Newt and Hermann work out how best to take care of each other, now complicated only by having to take care of the world in the wake of the war as well. It's a different life outside of the lab... and it's one that comes with even more briefings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait-- I had a bit of a busy week.
> 
> Also, I'm sorry there's less Pentecost than his name listed under characters would indicate-- a lot of what would have been Pentecost's scenes got left on the cutting room floor during edits (as did a lot of anyone other than Hermann and Newt...)

Newt hates briefings. He never knows what to do or what to say, and he's got a whole mess to explain when the victory celebrations die down enough and the right people get released from Medical. Especially since the man who sent him on his mission isn't there to back him up on it. Logically he knows that Hansen and the PPDC aren't going to blast him for what he did, because what he did saved the world. What he and Hermann did.

 

Logic just doesn't have much of a seat at the table, when it comes to briefings and Newt.

 

But it's what he and Hermann did, and that makes a huge difference to him. Ever since the drift, since being forced into seeing things through each others' eyes, some things have been easier. Talking had been easier. And Hermann... Hermann looks at Newt now with a longing and a trust, and if anything can get Newt through an official briefing where he has to talk about drifting with a kaiju, it's the confidence Hermann gives him by looking at him the way he does when no one else is looking.

 

In the lab, they kiss once before heading to the briefing. They kiss with Hermann seated in his chair, so that Newt can lean over him, and Hermann shivers just barely when Newt touches him. It's not a hard kiss, not a wet one, but it does the trick. Hermann isn't thinking about who the PPDC will send to sit in, who will pretend that they never lost their faith in the Jaeger program, never nearly-doomed them all with the wall that Lars Gottlieb backed. Newt isn't thinking about feeling brought up short-- ha-ha-- by someone's authority, granted with a title and a uniform and not on the basis of intelligence or ability.

 

He doesn't hold it against Herc Hansen. They didn't always have the sunniest relationship, sure, and he might have said some things in the heat of the moment, but he feels a lot of sympathy for the guy, losing his best friend and his son in one fell swoop, having already lost more than enough. Hansen's earned his position of authority by fire, not by politics, which Newt would respect enough even if the man had gone after it, but he also knows he doesn't want it, that it's an interim position solely because Herc's in Hong Kong and the PPDC isn't.

 

Newt wouldn't wish command of the whole Shatterdome on anyone who didn't want it, except he wouldn't trust it to someone who'd been in on the decision to decommission all the 'domes. He doesn't suppose it matters much now that the war is over, but something's got to stand there. What he and Herc Hansen have in common is that they're both glad that Tendo is _actually_ running the place.

 

Tendo is at Herc's right, and there's a video screen with about five guys Newt thinks wouldn't know a Jaeger from a hole in the ground, facing a U-shaped table, where he and Hermann have plenty of room to spread out. Instead, they sit close together, and under the table, Newt's knee stops bouncing the second he places a hand on Hermann's thigh. He leans back in his chair a little and regards the PPDC brass on the screen coolly. He saved the world. They wanted to hide behind a wall. They're absolutely not going to censure him for what happened.

 

"Dr. Geiszler." Hansen's mouth draws into a sour twist, which Newt doesn't take personally-- it's the face a lot of people in the last 'dome made when the PPDC came up, not for him. The use of his title and last name are also for the PPDC brass. "Could you please go over the... events."

 

He doesn't elaborate, and Tendo jumps in before anyone can question the direction.

 

"We'll be recording while you go over your experiments drifting with the kaiju, and how that led to victory for humanity." He adds, turning so that the camera can't see the face he makes.

 

Newt smirks a little at it, and doesn't bother hiding it from the men on the screen, or the camera that relays him to them. He recounts the whole thing, being shot down, proceeding regardless, being sent to find Chau... He can feel Hermann's attention on him, even though Hermann knows the whole thing better than anyone. Newt doesn't stop even at the rumblings from the men on the screen, but he does stop when he gets to Otachi's fetus, and the second brain, the second drift.

 

He glances at Hermann, and then looks back towards the camera, powering through the part where he'd watched a man get eaten.

 

"And that's when Dr. Gottlieb and I drifted with the kaiju brain and saved the world." He shrugs. He can practically feel Tendo facepalming, but he feels good. 

 

"Dr. Geiszler, could you elaborate on that?" One of the men on the screen asks, sounding somewhat strangled. They look pale and clammy, and Newt can't say he blames them, since they don't understand enough not to worry about some kind of possession by the hivemind or nonsense like that.

 

"Of course." He says, and he doesn't intend the snotty condescension that drips from those two words, but it's there. "You see, the way I set up my rig--"

 

"Dr. Geiszler is referring to the PONS system he built." Herc Hansen butts in quickly. "Man's a genius, it's fine."

 

"He built it out of garbage." Tendo says under his breath, angling himself away from the camera and rolling his eyes. "That's what Dr. Gottlieb told us."

 

"It was impressive." Hermann allows, and Newt meets his eyes again, the two of them breaking into matching smiles.

 

"The way I had it set up," Newt continues. "I was the 'pilot', if you will, and the kaiju was as much in the place of a Jaeger as it was playing the role of a copilot. Obviously the analogy's not perfect, because kaiju are living creatures-- well, they were, before we rocked that bi--business."

 

Hermann snorts next to him, disguising it as a cough, and Newt pinches him under the table, light and quick and only in play.

 

"Anyway, the brains I drifted with were technically deceased, but still keyed into the whole hivemind, enough to let me get in and take a look around. I'll admit I did not anticipate them doing the same, part of using chunks of dead brain was that, you know, they weren't supposed to be accessing those. Hivemind or no hivemind, if you know a signal's gone dead, you don't keep listening, you know? It turns out the kaiju did. Their brains work so differently from ours, it's amazing-- the fact that they're a hivemind at all, but even within that, like, do you think bees are tapped into their dead? It doesn't make sense, right? Why wouldn't you jettison that connection ASAP? Seems like it would do more harm than good under ordinary circumstances, but live and learn." Newt waves a hand. "My point is, the kaiju was never meant to be a copilot-- it was meant to be something I crawled into and dug around in. Compatibility was a non-issue with the kaiju because it was never going to _be_ compatible. It was a means to an end."

 

"And then Dr. Geiszler nearly killed himself drifting with it." Hermann interrupts. Newt lets him-- they haven't discussed things like rules and punishments yet. He doesn't deliver another pinch just in case Hermann might mistake it for one, because they aren't there yet.

 

"And that's what led Dr. Gottlieb to proposing we share the load. It's standard practice when you're in a Jaeger. Hooked up to a dying alien brain should be no different, right?" Newt can _feel_ his face light up, when he thinks back to that moment. "Right. So yeah, we both went in, we found out that the breach couldn't be. Breached, I mean, by non-kaiju. Scurried back to the 'dome, got on the horn, saved the day."

 

"And you are certain you're not... _affected_?"

 

"No." Newt sighs. "I'm not 'affected'. It's not possible. The sensory organs and processing centers of a kaiju are not perfectly analogous to ours, dude! We can't mesh well enough to linger. Just like pilots don't go walking around after a neural handshake thinking they're giant robots!"

 

He's aware he's raising his voice, and if he looks out of the corner of his eyes, he can see Tendo and Hansen both reacting. When he looks back to Hermann, there's no reproach in Hermann's expression like he'd expected. It's not a look that says 'you blew it and you need to shut up', it's one that says 'I believe in you and your ability to calm yourself down', and that faith helps immensely. Disappointment or irritation he would push back against, but the calm faith he's met with lets him calm.

 

"Sorry." Newt says, though he isn't. Hermann squeezes his hand under the table, warm and fond. He needs to keep his cool for Hermann, and that's the thing it takes. "There's no real way for the hivemind to have that kind of lingering effect. Even pilots don't affect each other to the degree where one could, essentially, take control of the other and force them to do something. That's what you're worried about, right? Not my personal health, but the threat I might pose?"

 

"Doctor Geiszler--"

 

"I'm not accusing, I'm just getting it all out there. And I get where you're coming from, but as someone who's worked with the tech and felt the effects firsthand, I can tell you it doesn't work that way. And if you don't believe me, then Mr. Choi's an expert on the tech, and Interim Marshal Hansen could tell you what a drift doesn't do."

 

None of them want to talk to Herc about it, at least, and Tendo steps in to smooth it all over as they're dismissed.

 

"Don't think there won't be more like it." Hansen whispers, showing them out, and Newt nods, his hand moving to the small of Hermann's back like second nature as he leads him back towards their living quarters.

 

He opts for Hermann's room, his 'emergency, and by emergency I mean my equations had better be on fire or a kaiju had better be attacking us key' having since become just a key that he could use any time. It's about time they talked, now that they're rested, now that they've made the debriefing, now that they're sound of mind and body.

 

Well, Newt is sound of body and Hermann is sound of mind, and they're each just sound enough of the other that it counts in Newt's book.

 

Hermann's room means Hermann has the power, and Hermann can ask him to leave if he decides to, and Hermann knows where everything is and how everything belongs, and that's important for now. They need to do at least a little negotiating before Newt can take any of that away from him.

 

Also, Hermann has a more comfortable bed, and it feels so natural to sit up against the headboard and feel Hermann curl in against his side, relaxing in his arms.

 

"Okay, first rule... A 'no' is always stronger than a 'yes'. That goes for either of us." Newt opens. "If you have something that's a hard limit, discussion over. I'm never going to ask. Even if it's my favorite thing in the world. And if you have a soft limit, then I won't ask for it, but if you ever decide you want to open up a discussion-- not a negotiation-- then I'll tell you why I like it-- if I like it-- and you tell me what about it makes you nervous or turns you off, and what about it you've decided you're curious about exploring. And it won't be me trying to convince you to do something you don't want, it's just gonna be a dialogue until you tell me you'd be comfortable trying whatever it was you previously had off the table. And, I mean, same both ways, I just don't have a lot of limits that I think we don't share..."

 

"All right. Thank you." Hermann sighs, his arm slipping around Newt's waist to squeeze him. "Do you have a format you like to use? Checklist, or...?"

 

"Nope. I mean, I'll use whatever system you're comfortable with if you have a strong preference. I just make four boxes. Stuff I know I like, stuff I know I don't like, stuff I'm interested in trying, and stuff I'm not interested in trying-- but that I might change my mind on. And I just put a little star by the things that are the biggest deals to me. I just go through all the kinks I can think of, and then you point out anything I didn't remember that you're familiar with... I mean, it's one of those things that can always be updated, and you can take a different color ink and mark on the same sheet."

 

"Can we do that in the morning?"

 

It's only just the afternoon, and Newt laughs, but he agrees also, bringing Hermann's hand up to his lips to be kissed.

 

"We can absolutely do that in the morning."

 

"I think best in the mornings."

 

"I don't. Then again, I haven't had a circadian rhythm in years." Newt snorts. "I'll start filling it out before bed and I'll show you in the morning and let you take the lead for finishing it up. If they don't need us tomorrow, we could have all day after we get a contract signed..."

 

"I like the sound of that. I think most of the Shatterdome will be sleeping off their victory hangovers tomorrow." Hermann smiles. "We could have all day to ourselves."

 

Newt is sorry he doesn't have equipment. He'd used equipment that came with-- and went with-- partners, or bought cheap things when he was just starting out that he's since gotten rid of. He wishes that he had all the things Hermann would want to experiment with, but he isn't sorry to be starting over. If he'd had his old restraints, they'd have been uncomfortable for Hermann. If he'd had the medical stuff that one ex play-partner was into, it would just turn Hermann off. Until he can get the right things, he trusts that he and Hermann are two smart guys who can improvise some fun stuff. He built a PONS unit out of garbage, how hard can basic bondage gear be?

 

"What's the one thing you want more than anything else?" Newt asks, playing with Hermann's hair.

 

"You." Hermann's voice is muffled against Newt's chest, and he's in a position that can't be good for his back... It's pain that Newt knows intimately now, the way it spreads across the sacral plexus first, the way Hermann's hips will stiffen in place or feel too loose in their sockets, sometimes just the one and sometimes both. The way it travels down to put his knee out of joint, sometimes his ankle as well. The way it shoots up and locks his neck into place so that he can't turn or relax, the way too-tight muscles knot up, and pinch nerves that roll out of place, until he trembles and feels so useless, with the effort it takes to hold himself together when all of that is happening to his body.

 

He used to think it was just the leg, and he feels blind now that he knows the full extent of it, for having gone so long not noticing.

 

"Tomorrow morning, you'll sign that contract with me, and then holding yourself together won't be your job anymore... I'll hold you together whenever you need me to. And I'll let you fall apart, too... You'll be allowed to do that." He promises. "Tomorrow. But I won't take you apart until we have that contract. I can hold you together, like you do for me."

 

Hermann hums against him, and Newt urges him to shift, scoot down the bed so that his spine isn't bent back awkwardly. They wind up with Hermann's arm slung across Newt's thighs, forehead pressed to one hip as Hermann curls around Newt's legs. Tomorrow seems suddenly far away, with the taste of sweet neediness in the way that Hermann clings to him.

 

He strokes his hair, and thinks about what he can do for him. Sensation play, that was something Hermann had mentioned, back when they'd thought they were strangers. Temperature won't be hard, and he could always find emergency tapers if Hermann put wax play in either of his 'do want' boxes...

 

"The first thing I'm going to do is... I am going to give you a long massage." Newt grins, dragging a finger down the back of Hermann's neck. "No contract required."

 

Hermann lifts his head to grin back, before getting up and stripping down to the waist, and soon Newt is straddling him, lotion warm between his hands and smelling trees and warm musk. Hermann's, and clearly not just the stuff he keeps by the bed for 'personal use'. Some special thing he kept squirreled away, brought out only because Newt was offering a massage, and the plain old hand cream with the pump top wouldn't do.

 

He likes it-- the smell is very Hermann, and Newt isn't sure why he thinks so, only that he's been in the man's brain and he thinks it's only right that he likes this scent. He works his way down from the back of Hermann's neck and his shoulders, scooting back along his thighs to get down to the small of his back. He can feel his cock taking an interest in the proceedings, no small thanks to the way that Hermann groans as he's kneaded at. It would be all right, Newt thinks. A massage and vanilla sex don't need to wait for the contract.

 

"How good am I making you feel?" He asks, sliding his hands up Hermann's sides.

 

"The most good." Hermann sighs, and Newt bites his lip. That dreamy tone and lack of thought towards precise grammar sounds like a Hermann too relaxed and blissed out by the massage to pursue more from.

 

"You make me hot." He says, putting no demand into his tone. Hermann makes a little sound, pleased but not horny-sounding, and that settles him. "I'm glad you're feeling good. Can I use your bathroom real quick?'

 

"Mm-hm."

 

Newt covers Hermann up, the sheet sticking lightly to the still-fresh lotion on his back. He leans in to kiss his temple. "Is it okay if I think about you?"

 

"Please."

 

"Can I come back here for a nap when I'm done?"

 

"Please." Hermann turns his head to the side, smile wide and sleepy, and Newt doesn't blame him for being exhausted. The briefing's reason enough, and it seems like the massage was the last piece of the turn-Hermann-to-a-sleeping-mush puzzle.

 

In Hermann's bathroom, Newt's free to smell more products that smell like Hermann, but not quite enough like Hermann. He doesn't dig for anything that isn't out on the counter, just sniffs the things that are as he unzips his jeans and palms himself through his boxers. He thinks about Hermann, putty in his hands after a future massage, maybe... lying there happy and relaxed, agreements in place so that Newt won't have to feel a flicker of guilt for slipping a hand underneath him and feeling out his cock, seeing if it swells in his hand the way his own so eagerly does.

 

No reason not to slide himself against Hermann's ass, just a nice, slow grind... they'll iron everything out, and he'll be ready to stop if Hermann wants, always, but as long as he's fantasizing, Hermann just makes more delicious little noises and lets him. Grinds back against him and then goes lax again, remains a warm, willing body... Hermann lets Newt roll him over, that's better, Newt edits his fantasy on the fly to include Hermann's cock, still mostly soft and begging to be sucked on...

 

Newt's fingers taste unpleasantly like body lotion, the woodsy musk filling his nostrils as he sucks three fingers. Not quite enough, but that's what imagination is for, and it keeps his voice muffled as he pictures the way Hermann might smile at him, lust and warmth and bone-deep satisfaction... He imagines the work it would take to get Hermann good and hard after relaxing him almost to the point of a good deep sleep.  An interesting experiment, one Hermann could stop if he wanted to, if he was too tired or too sensitive, in not the right way. But fantasy Hermann slowly hardens in Newt's mouth, and fantasy Hermann is pliant and sweet and lets Newt tease before he pleases...

 

He comes without getting around to imagining what his own release might be like, just thinking about getting Hermann off and making him squirm and whimper and groan. It's a pretty good fantasy, in Newt's book, and he pushes as much of it as he can from his mind when he returns to Hermann's bed.


	11. Detour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt and Hermann's first Scene.

Despite filling out their contract, Newt and Hermann go a few days without dipping into anything particularly kinky. They take a shared solace in the dynamic itself, when life in the Shatterdome grows stressful-- it's a different stress than what they're used to, as the role of the 'dome itself changes, but the two of them stay on, to work on further research and to re-answer questions Newt is sure he explained before.

 

When dealing with the brass gets to Newt, Hermann leans on him. He closes his eyes and lets Newt take some of his weight, lets himself go limp where he is used to holding himself together tightly, and lets Newt hold him up. Newt appreciates having a purpose to focus on, having a sub to care for, even when they don't have the time or the energy to craft something bigger. Newt appreciates the weight as well, physically grounding him and reminding him he has something precious in his lap or in his arms, someone he needs to support.

 

When dealing with the press gets to Hermann, he does the same, and lets Newt run fingers through his hair and praise his composure. Newt wants to promise rewards for good behavior-- make it through another interview without incident and earn a massage, a blowjob... but Newt also knows he needs to work on his own composure before he can demand better of Hermann. At least the people Hermann snaps at aren't their bosses.

 

When they have to appear on a huge panel discussing the role of the K-science division over the course of the war and they get the news that Lars Gottlieb has been invited, though, Newt decides that for once, hypocrisy just might be the better part of valor.

 

"If we can both make it through this panel without either of us punching your old man in the face," Newt takes a deep breath. "Long weekend off-- we've both got the days, and nothing's going to fall apart if we take one now. X-Files marathon. Full body massage. I will feed you your favorite foods, in bed. Special reward sex."

 

"Newton..."

 

"Make this deal with me." He cups Hermann's face in his hands, and sees the hesitation melt away. "Because I'm not going to break a promise to you, but that's about the only thing that's going to keep me from hauling off and socking that man in the jaw, I mean jeez, Hermann, I have all your memories of what an asshole he is."

 

"Not all of them."

 

"Enough of them." Newt frowns.

 

"And you couldn't reach to hit him in the jaw, not with much power behind it, you'd be better off going for a body blow. Not that I want you to hit my father on an internationally televised interview."

 

"I'm not that short, brat." He pinches Hermann's cheek playfully, and Hermann kisses his hands in mock contrition. "Now. Am I going to reward us for our good behavior?"

 

"Yes, please." Hermann sighs, smiling and letting the tension in his neck go, his head resting heavy between Newt's hands, feeling a calm slowly spread out through him as he's gently tilted in for a kiss.

 

"Yes please what?" Newt asks, with their lips millimeters apart.

 

Hermann hesitates. They haven't discussed titles-- Newt has never mentioned being a 'Master' or a 'Sir', or even 'Doctor'.

 

"Come on. You know what I want to hear." Newt coaxes him anyway, his own smile wide, and Hermann shivers just so, leaning even more heavily against one palm.

 

"Yes, please, Newt."

 

Newt laughs and pulls him into a tight hug. "Finally. I've been trying to get that one out of you for how many years now? Who'd've thunk all it took was becoming your Dom to get you to relax and use my nickname."

 

"Really?" Hermann half-whispers. "I was right?"

 

"Of course you were. You're a genius. C'mon."

 

"... Is that special enough?"

 

"It's what I like being called." He shrugs. "And you could say it in public and no one would think it was fishy."

 

"But it's what everyone calls you..."

 

Newt thinks he detects a pout lurking there. It's true, he does generally insist on being just 'Newt'. He hadn't thought Hermann would need something unique, he's gotten used to calling him Newton just fine without asking for a title to use. He rubs Hermann's back.

 

"Maybe, but... context is key. It's something different coming from you. You can call me whatever you want most of the time, okay? You just call me 'Newt' if I ask you to, or if you need to let me know in public that you need me to handle you. How's that?"

 

Hermann nods, and Newt kisses him, long and slow. The desire to just keep on kissing him nearly makes them late for hair and makeup, where Tendo is waiting in the wings to give them a knowing look on their entry.

 

Newt ignores it-- or pretends to-- and hops up onto the stool, relaxing under the process. He looks like himself, after, mostly. He can't see his freckles anymore, and there's no shine to his skin even where he feels like there should be, and his eyebrows look different in a way he can't put his finger on, but he doesn't feel like he's looking at a stranger, either. His hair is done the way he likes it done, his skin tone has been matched, he has the same level of visible stubble.

 

Hermann is much the same-- himself, but more televisable. Powdered a bit, his cowlick tamed, made somehow more 'even', but no less Hermann. Newt smiles and offers his hand, and Hermann squeezes it briefly, before they take their seats.

 

Tendo is there as well, and he and Hermann discuss the coding for the Jaegers, and how the PONS will ultimately prove to be a crucial piece of technology in more ways than one.

 

Lars, unfortunately, is also there, and also inserts himself as often as possible when they discuss the early days of J-tech. Newt sees him there, as he is. Not infirm, but certainly older... like his son, the senior Dr. Gottlieb has a cane, though it's apparently a new development, and one he left off-camera, a luxury Hermann doesn't have, but also one that Hermann defiantly does not wish for. He is clinging to fame and to relevance despite his colossal errors towards the end of the war, fighting to be The famous Dr. Gottlieb, and it puts Newt in mind of Snow White's wicked queen. Magic Mirror on the wall, who's the smartest one of all... But Newt also sees him as he once was, towering and forbidding, stern. He can hear harsh words that Lars would rather the world never know about, times he'd pushed his children to aim higher, achieve more, be more like your brother, more like your sister, more like me... and the times he'd been cold to Hermann, denied him the unconditional love that Newt got from his own dad, made his approval hinge on success, ability... Hermann's older brother had been athletic, his sister had been sociable, traits Hermann lacked and could only try to make up for with his genius. All of Hermann's siblings were straight, something he tried desperately to make his father believe of him as well.

 

Newt's glad he promised Hermann he would behave himself, because he remembers the feelings of rejection and shame that swirl up in him when he lays eyes on Lars Gottlieb, and any progress towards putting those feelings to bed that Hermann had made as an adult took a hard blow when Lars left the Jaeger program to back the wall, publicly calling his son a fool and a child, putting his faith in a failing program, in oversized toys. He feels so much of Hermann's hurt, and it feeds his anger, but he tells himself he's stronger than his anger is. He's not going to break a promise to Hermann, that much is non-negotiable.

 

He does interrupt the man, though, launching into a talk about his biological research and giving Lars no room to break back in until everyone has moved on to the later accomplishments in K-science. The work that Newt has done in removing and neutralizing toxins, in finding patterns and exposing weak points, and the work that Hermann began when he moved from splitting his time with J-tech to working in K-sci full time to map out the breach and predict kaiju attacks.

 

Newt's description of Hermann's work is glowing, and Hermann eagerly returns the favor, the two of them holding the floor for the rest of the segment, occasionally passing off to Tendo, to the other scientists who'd been cut but who had been invited back for the panel. Focus never returns to Lars, and Newt is proud of that.

 

After the interview, he overhears Lars complaining about him-- the word 'rude' comes up several times, and Newt can't help smiling. He'd like to introduce himself as Hermann's boyfriend, but he doesn't. He doesn't have permission to do so, doesn't know if Hermann ever gave up the lie... he doesn't know if a final screw-you would be all right or overstepping his bounds.

 

Hermann takes his arm as they leave, though, and Newt allows a certain amount of swagger into his step at that. If Lars notices, Lars notices, and if not, the important thing is that Newt has Hermann.

 

Back in Hermann's room, they cuddle close to watch Newt's specially curated best-of-The X-Files marathon, hand-picked to offer the best episodes to cuddle to, in Newt's opinion. He massages Hermann's hands while they watch, kneading gently at muscle and delicate bone beneath, warming and relaxing him.

 

It's season five episode four that has the gears in his brain spinning away from viewing marathons and towards Kinky Fun With Hermann, and he knows that as game as Hermann is to watch his show with him, it's very much his show, and Hermann isn't likely to complain if Newt cuts the marathon short for other things. He nuzzles at the side of Hermann's neck, letting the end of the episode play out without his attention. He knows how it ends, after all, and the whole Conquistador thing is hardly the high point of the episode. They've already seen the best parts.

 

"Hermann... gorgeous, sweet Hermann..." Newt murmurs against his skin, feeling Hermann give in, the strange tangible change in the room when they hit that tipping point. "How would you like to play, you genius babe, you?"

 

Newt is sure that the answer is going to be yes when Hermann doesn't protest being a gorgeous, sweet babe.

 

"I would like that." Hermann all but purrs, melting into Newt's arms. So kissable, so very pliant... Newt kisses him even though it wasn't a part of his plan.

 

"Okay. I'm going to get some things." He kisses Hermann's cheeks, his lips, his forehead. "While I'm gone, I want you to get comfortable... Take off as much as you feel okay taking off, and lie down in whatever position you think you can stay in. You can leave some of your clothes on, but you can't cover up any more than you are. No blankets. I want a good look at everything you're ready to show me."

 

Hermann nods, and Newt catches his chin so that he can get eye contact.

 

"Hermann-- Aside from the limits in our contract, is there anything that you don't want me to do tonight?"

 

Hermann shakes his head.

 

"Are you okay with being physically uncomfortable?"

 

This breaks him out of his easy compliance, though it's not to protest the idea, but to roll his eyes. "Honestly... physical discomfort is hardly new."

 

"Okay. You know I won't do anything that would actually harm you, and I won't break any of the rules we made?"

 

Hermann nods again, his expression returning to something sweet and easy. "I know."

 

"Okay. And you know that once I'm back, I'll keep a very careful eye on you and on everything, to make sure you're safe?"

 

"Yes." He smiles gently, tilting his head to kiss Newt's thumb. "I know. I trust you."

 

"Good." Newt's grin is relieved and then wicked, and he strips the bed of its covers, moving them off to the side. "I'll be right back. Use the pillows however you need to get comfy."

 

He considers making Hermann wait a little longer than necessary, but decides against it. He's too eager to get started himself. Another time it might heighten things-- with no restraints involved, there's no reason not to make Hermann sit by himself a while, aside from how impatient Newt is himself.

 

When he gets back, Hermann is lying on his side, his back to the door-- and to Newt, who takes his time admiring the lines of him. He's naked to the waist, and in the harsh overhead light, he casts beautiful shadows across himself. He's in nothing, in fact, but his socks and his briefs, curled up with one leg propped on a pillow.

 

Newt fiddles with the temperature, setting up his portable fan and his most accurate room thermometer. And then he sits and watches.

 

Hermann makes no complaints as the fan blows against his naked back, and only shivers as the temperature in the room begins to drop, but doesn't protest. Newt sits and watches as goosebumps rise up along Hermann's arm, his back... as he curls in tighter on himself and trembles just so, as he wraps an arm around himself to try to keep warm, only to hesitate as if expecting a reprimand.

 

Newt says nothing-- Hermann is allowed to do what he likes, as long as he stays where he is, and when no reprimand comes, Hermann chafes at his arm and wriggles a little against the mattress, hugs his pillow in against himself...

 

Newt readjusts the heat to come back on, before Hermann can get truly cold, but he lets the fan blow as he undresses, grabbing Hermann's comforter. He shoves his hands under his own arms and waits until he hears a little whimper. He knows the room isn't nearly cold enough to be a hazard in any way, but it is uncomfortable, and Newt wouldn't like to be naked on Hermann's side of the portable fan without the comforter that's currently warming around his body.

 

He lays a hand on Hermann's back first, he and the comforter blocking the stream of cool air, and Hermann groans at the human warmth.

 

He groans again when Newt finally spoons up behind him and covers him with the comforter, tucking it carefully around the two of them and slipping a leg between Hermann's.

 

"There you are..." He sighs against Hermann's ear. "There you go... How does that feel?"

 

Hermann can only make pleased, grateful noises as Newt warms his hands, his arms, warms his back by pressing up against it. Hermann is freezing to the touch at first, but he warms quickly, relaxing out of the tight ball he'd been in as Newt rubs his chest and then his belly.

 

"Warming up? That must feel so good after the cold..."

 

Hermann's shivering eases, and he breathes out his thanks. Newt slides his hand lower, resting it at Hermann's waistband.

 

"Do you need me to rub anything else to warm it up?" He asks, nipping lightly at Hermann's earlobe.

 

"Please..." Hermann rocks back against him and it's Newt's turn to groan wordlessly.

 

"Stop me any time you need to." Newt kisses the back of his neck, and lets his hand slip inside Hermann's briefs, curling around his cock. It takes a little maneuvering to use his other hand to pull his own cock out through the fly of his boxers, but he's hardening in time with Hermann, and it's as good as he'd fantasized, to slide his cock against the cleft of Hermann's ass, even with Hermann's briefs in the way. The cotton is worn soft, and thin, and it's not really much of a barrier. He rolls his hips in little circles, with his hand around Hermann's half-hard cock.

 

"That's it, that's so, so good... you were so patient and now I'm going to make sure you're nice and warm. Hot, even. This feels hot." He gives Hermann a little squeeze, passing his thumb over the head. "This feels so hot... So hot thinking about making you come for me. Do you like heating up with me?"

 

"Y-yes..."

 

"Good." Newt's voice is thick with praise, and he slides his free hand under Hermann's hip to keep them close together as he grinds against him. "I want to come on you... I want to come on you and look at what a nice mess you make before I clean you up. How would that be? You want my come all over you, showing you who you belong to? Want to feel it sit there, think about how you look just painted with it? Oh, you'd look so perfect..."

 

Hermann groans, and Newt speeds up a little, feeling the drag of that thin, soft fabric on the underside of his cock, the firmness and warmth of Hermann through them. He brings his hand off of Hermann's cock, up to his face.

 

"Spit for me, okay? Before I chafe you, dude, c'mon... let's make this feel better, yeah?"

 

Hermann does, after a moment and a whine of protest at losing the hand around his cock. It's back there soon enough, Newt spreading around the slick spit. He can just imagine how Hermann will look... Newt's release splattered up at the small of his back, maybe he'll roll boneless and contented onto his front to let Newt better admire it... There's a possessiveness in the desire to see him that way, but Newt doesn't see it as degrading-- he's just as eager to have a handful of Hermann's own release, to see it, smell it, maybe even taste it, and know that he's behind that orgasm, that he has something of Hermann seeping into his skin. Something messy. The heady smell of sex and the high of pheromones, chemicals in the brain shooting off because they did...

 

He can feel himself getting closer, as he ruts against Hermann's ass and pumps his cock with a sure, steady hand, as their moans reverberate into each other, Newt's chest pressed flush to Hermann's back. That back he'd seen in hard light and shadow, shaking and pale in the cold room because he trusted Newt to control his environment, to make him uncomfortable just so that he could bring him comfort again. Because he trusted Newt not to cross the line between discomfort and health hazard as well.

 

Newt feels his balls tightening up, the heat pooling low as he speeds towards that ledge, but he waits until Hermann makes the sweetest, smallest little noise and spills over in his hand before he lets himself go.

 

"You're so good, sweet, beautiful, brilliant Hermann..." Newt gasps, kissing the back of his neck over and over again between gulping breaths. He hadn't even noticed he was holding his own towards the end. He brings his hand up to his face, so that he can admire the mess Hermann has left first, with all four applicable senses. The way it feels when he rubs his thumb across it and smears it around, the perfect milky whiteness, that sex smell in the air. The way it gets in his head until tasting it seems like the best idea, the rattling buzz of arousal that continues even as his dick softens and shrinks from contact.

 

He wipes his hand off on his shorts after an experimental lick, slipping Hermann back through his fly before carefully rolling him to his front. Hermann hums softly, sounding contented, and Newt takes a good long look at the mess on Hermann's lower back, before he slips Hermann's briefs down and off.

 

He leaves the comforter sort of tented around Hermann as he gets out of bed, to deposit their underwear in Hermann's laundry hamper and to turn off the fan, to make a quick run to Hermann's bathroom for a warm, damp washcloth so that he can clean him up.

 

Clean-up is followed by a slow back massage, now that Hermann is already on his front, and then Newt spoons up behind him again, laughing softly at the way Hermann's back is lotion-slippery against his chest.

 

"Snack or nap?" He asks, rubbing Hermann's chest again, the last of the lotion sinking into the skin there.

 

"Sleep." Hermann yawns. "Please?"

 

"You earned it." Newt grins. "Just a little one and then we'll have a bathroom break and a snack and you can pick a movie, okay?"

 

He tucks the comforter more firmly around them both, listening to Hermann drop off to sleep. The rest of the X-Files episodes can wait for another day...


	12. Not a Munch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermann prefers the term 'double date'.
> 
> Not that it matters, when unexpected company drops in at the table.

It's day two of their well-earned post-interview long weekend when Newt comes back to the bedroom bearing a nearly-overflowing tray of food only to see Hermann typing away at his laptop, and he wonders if a work-free weekend is something that needs real rigorous reinforcement.

 

Hermann looks up from the screen with a warm smile, though, relaxation evident in his posture and expression, so Newt figures he can give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

"What's up? I brought you a turkey sandwich. Mustard, no mayo. Baked potato chips on the side, fruit cup, some gingersnaps, and a bottle of juice for later if you need a little something."

 

"Newton." Hermann pats Newt's side of the bed, typing something quickly before setting his laptop aside. "I don't know if you got the chance to meet Dr. Garriot at the panel the other night, but we were just chatting about meeting for dinner tonight, if you were interested. He brought his partner along."

 

"Hm..." He sits on the edge of the bed, kicking his shoes off so that Hermann won't complain about scuffing up the bedspread. "Do I feel like sharing you with the world this weekend? What's Dr. Garriot's specialty-- I didn't get to know anyone, no, so--?"

 

"Astrophysics, primarily. Ah, science is not the only area in which he and I have something in common..."

 

Newt hands the tray off to Hermann before he rearranges himself to stretch out comfortably on the bed, reaching for one of the little bags of chips and tearing it open before grabbing his own sandwich. "Yeah?"

 

"He thought the four of us might enjoy... discussing... things. That the four of us have in common. As couples."

 

Newt's face is alight with understanding and he laughs, leaning in to kiss Hermann's cheek. "You have a kinky friend? Dude, just say so next time, yeah. Is this, like, a munch going on, or...?"

 

"No. Nothing like that. Just a double date, where the topic of kink might come up. And I hardly need to tell you, of course, but Dr. Garriot is another submissive, so he and I never--"

 

"You don't need to tell me." Newt smiles, setting his bag of chips down between his knees to free up a hand so that he can touch Hermann's chin, catching his gaze. "But thanks, for wanting me to feel secure. It might have been awkward if I thought I was meeting your ex."

 

"No, nothing like that. He reminds me of you in other ways, sometimes, but... not the things that make me love you. You might get along, though. And I don't know if I've even met his partner, but yes, I suppose the two of you would have things in common. Mostly we'd like to catch up scientifically. Although... well, I do have to admit, I've never been able to go out with a group of people and talk about-- about personal matters. It might feel freeing."

 

"Never? No munches before you had a professional life to worry about?"

 

"None, never, no." Hermann shakes his head, speaking between bites which he chews and swallows carefully. "When I was living at home-- Well, can you imagine? And then school was everything, and then... I don't know. I was always too shy. I almost went to one, once, but I couldn't go through with it, I never joined in. Besides, it's not a munch, it's only one other couple. And we _might_ discuss kink if we run out of science to talk about-- or if you and Benjamin's partner get bored listening to us prattle on, I suppose."

 

"Me get tired of listening to you prattle on? Never." Newt grins, much less careful about his own next bite. "Mm-- and anyway, maybe we could talk about something else, too. Or I could just busy myself stuffing my face. Case in point--"

 

Hermann makes a face at the size of the bite Newt takes, but he's laughing by the time Newt's finished, the two of them devolving into pulling ever more ridiculous faces at each other. He gives up on even pretending to glare after Newt puffs his cheeks out and widens his eyes.

 

"You look like a shocked hamster." He chuckles.

 

"As long as I'm a cute hamster."

 

"I think that's the only kind." Hermann snorts, smiling when Newt reaches over to pinch him.

 

"So sassy today, Doctor Gottlieb. Clearly we need to go out to dinner with your friend so he can be a good influence on you."

 

"He might be a terrible influence on me. I've never seen him with his Dominant." He shrugs, blithe.

 

"Well, we should go anyway. I've... never actually been to a munch either."

 

"It isn't really--"

 

"Isn't really a munch, got it. I haven't been on a real double date, either, so let's."

 

Hermann softens, a warm smile tugging at his lips, and he cuddles up to Newt's side for the remainder of their lunch, scooting his fruit cup and plastic spoon across the tray and giving him a hopeful look that Newt correctly interprets as a request to be fed.

 

The cup is overfull of the juice that the fruit is packed in, and he feels like he has to slow himself way down to be able to open it without spilling, let alone get each bite to Hermann without slopping any sticky sweetness out onto his shirt. The slowness is worth it for the way Hermann responds to the care taken, the adoration and gratitude in his eyes as his lips close over each bite.

 

Hermann hadn't mentioned it as being anything special, when they'd made up their contract, but Newt mentally moves feeding Hermann-- by spoon as well as by hand-- higher up his list of potential rewards. Watching Hermann's lips do anything at all is fascinating enough, but watching the spoon disappear between them gives Newt a host of highly inappropriate thoughts.

 

Or maybe totally appropriate, considering he is sitting on his boyfriend's bed.

 

Watching Hermann's tongue come out to lick the spoon clean after every single bite doesn't hurt, either.

 

Catching Hermann's eyes, though... There's nothing put on about his sexiness, no act. He's merely being thorough because he wants every last little taste as it comes to him, and he's happy to be given those tastes by someone he loves and trusts. That, Newt decides, is the best part. Hermann is happy, Newt is happy... everyone's happy. He feels like he runs out of fruit cup way too soon even for all the time he's been taking, but Hermann doesn't pout when it's over, he just relaxes against Newt's shoulder.

 

Newt breaks one of the gingersnaps up into rough quarters, each one bite sized, and hand-feeds those to Hermann next without prompting. Hermann's lips are soft and warm against his fingertips, as is the pleased sigh that gusts over his hand in return for the treat.

 

"I'd better let you arrange that double date." Newt takes the nearly-empty tray back at last, having fed Hermann half of his own dessert as well just for the chance to keep on feeling those lips brush his skin, to keep on earning those little grateful hums. "And, like... come down from that moment we had a bit."

 

"It was a nice moment." Hermann says dreamily.

 

"It was, but you probably don't want to chase it any further. Maybe when we get back you'll be in the mood again, and then I'll really give you a nice moment..."

 

"Is that a promise?"

 

"Definitely a promise." Newt sets the bottle of apple juice down on the bedside table. "I'll be right back, gotta run this tray back down to the mess, but then we'll have some time to just cuddle before we have to get ready for dinner. You guys can pick the time and place, I'm flexible. If you can't think of anywhere, check my phone, I've got a couple restaurants' info down."

 

Hermann nods, smiling, and Newt hurries to get the tray bussed so that he can go back to his Hermann time.

 

They spend the afternoon cuddling and watching a little more of Newt's X-Files marathon, before it's time to get ready.

 

Hermann is dressed well, when Newt gets back to his door to pick him up after returning to his own quarters to shower, shave, and put on nice clothes. He'd worn what he called his 'good suit' when they'd gone on television, but his current look is much better, in Newt's opinion. Sure, his shirt is still buttoned up so tight it's a wonder he can breathe, but it's a soft french blue, and the dark charcoal sweater vest over the top is actually close-fitting instead of baggy, and just a shade lighter than his slacks. He's wearing black shoes with an impressive shine, shoes Newt has never even seen before because Hermann's 'good suit' is brown, and so he wears his usual loafers with it.

 

"You look good." Newt says. And then, before Hermann can get the wrong idea, "I mean, you always-- I always think-- You're hot, like, all the time! You just usually kind of... hide it behind all those grandpa clothes. Which is fine, like, I don't mind if other people miss how hot you are because of them, and I totally get that you aren't looking to be judged on how hot you are or how you dress, which makes sense, because you're really, really smart... I just... Wow. You look good."

 

"Thank you. And you."

 

"I didn't even know you had two pairs of shoes."

 

"Well of course I have two pairs of shoes." Hermann scoffs. "I've got to have something appropriate for weddings and funerals."

 

He falters a little on that last word, and Newt takes his hand, squeezing it gently. "I guess we'll have a few of those to go to before long... but hey, I'll be with you, so... at least neither of us has to sit through any funerals all alone, right?"

 

"Right. Enough about that, no sad thoughts on date night." He shakes it off, giving Newt a little smile. "I rarely get the opportunity to break out the shoe polishing kit, you know? It was nice to be able to give them a quick buff... I like the process. Setting everything out, as much as the job itself. Even doing a quick job is... comfortingly ritual."

 

"Is that something you'd want me to have you do?"

 

"For you?" Hermann perks up, hopeful, and Newt grins at him.

 

"I'd have to get shoes worth polishing. I guess I'm an adult and I should own a pair of those anyway. Yeah. Would you wanna indulge in a little comforting ritual for my benefit sometime? Let me tell you you did a good job afterwards. I could walk around wearing them and you'd know it was because I was happy with what you did for me."

 

"I would enjoy that, I think." He nods, pulling his hand from Newt's so that he can take his arm instead. "It would be better-- I rarely do it for myself because it's gotten to be such a hassle to bother with shoes I can't simply step in and out of... But for special occasions, of course, it's worth it-- it's a hassle, but I still _can_. Perhaps not every day, but most days I _could_."

 

"Right, but who has the time?" Newt bumps their shoulders gently together and squeezes Hermann's arm against his side. "I'll buy a pair of good shoes and you can make them look nice."

 

The promise keeps Hermann in a good mood for the whole trip out to the restaurant-- one Newt recognizes as being a favorite, though normally he had food brought in, rather than leave the 'dome himself to get it. He recognizes one of the men standing outside right away. A few freckles, bright red hair, about Newt's own height, if slightly boxier of frame and less squishy-looking. Though Newt couldn't say if that was body type or just the cut of his suit. Definitely one of the ex-PPDC scientists who'd joined them for the televised panel, one who'd been about as eager as Newt was to talk about all of Hermann's discoveries.

 

"You must be Doctor Garriot." He extends a hand. "Hermann's mentioned you, and of course you were at the taping. Astrophysics, right?"

 

"Benjamin's fine. Or Ben. Ah, my partner just headed in to get us a table. I wanted to make sure I caught you two so you wouldn't miss us inside." He nods, shaking hands with Newt and then with Hermann. "Hey, it's good to see you-- you look well."

 

"Newton improves me." Hermann smiles, almost sly, and Newt would laugh at that if he didn't sound so earnest, too.

 

Inside, there's a man in a rumpled suit, with black hair that used to be perfectly neat, and a gruff demeanor that's only somewhat spoiled by eyeglasses that make Hermann's look cool by comparison, and the besotted smile that he gives Ben Garriot.

 

"My own." He greets, Garriot moving to his side so that the outstretched hand finds the small of his back easily. "And Dr. Geiszler-- You I recognize."

 

"You do?"

 

"I almost arrested you in Lima for starting that fight with one of the rangers. I only let you off the hook because you didn't seem to be doing his fist any damage with your face. Which means that this must be Dr. Gottlieb. I've heard a lot about your work."

 

"I didn't start that fight." Newt protests, looking to Hermann. "I didn't! I just... didn't discourage that fight from happening. Anyway, I'm the one who got a black eye."

 

Hermann tuts and pats Newt's arm. "I'm sure you didn't. You just have a talent for provoking people."

 

"I was only in Lima for two days and I almost spent them locked up." He laughs. "Hey, but thanks for being cool, under the circumstances. I don't think the Lima lab would have been very happy."

 

"This is Francis. With the handcuffs." Garriot beams.

 

"Frank's just fine."

 

"Did the PPDC let you keep the handcuffs?" Newt asks. It's just as well they don't issue them to scientists, he'd want something nicer than cold metal chafing at Hermann's wrists... but he can't help being curious.

 

"No, but I did get a job running private security once I was out, handcuffs of my own were not all that difficult to come by. I can provide you with resources, if that's what you're in--" He cuts himself short as a hostess approaches them, and they all stay quiet as they're led to a table for four.

 

It's a nice table, back in the back with a nice view of the color-changing chandelier that Newt likes, though Hermann grumbles a little bit about having to find a place where he can hang his cane without worry. Newt moves it so that it can lean against the table and wall, promising to pick it up if it does fall.

 

"Sorry, where were we?" Frank asks, once they're alone again.

 

"Handcuffs, but no-- I mean, not-- I'm more in the market for a softer, gentler restraint. I've been thinking about leather, something with a soft lining, really thick. Cozy."

 

"I can send Hermann a link that he can send to you, then." Garriot nods. "You'll have a lot of options."

 

"You'll want to order it after you're on your own." Frank points at Newt. "Security has to screen all packages coming into the Shatterdome, even the most conspicuously inconspicuous plain brown wrapper. Trust me, Doc--"

 

"Please, just call me Newt."

 

"Trust me, Newt, then." He harrumphs and gestures emphatically-- and graphically. "I have seen more dildoes in my line of work than the academy ever prepared me for."

 

"How many dildoes does the academy prepare you for? I know if you're just going into science--"

 

"Exactly zero."

 

Garriot laughs, and after a moment, so does Newt. Even Hermann snorts, though he covers his mouth until the urge to snicker passes.

 

"So about the same." Newt grins.

 

Their server arrives, and Newt orders for himself and for Hermann, feeling somewhat at ease when Frank does the same for Garriot. He can see what Hermann had meant, there are similarities between Garriot and himself-- the other man displays a restlessness, fidgeting whenever he has to go ten seconds without his Dom's hand on him somewhere, and even if they wouldn't be mistaken for twins or anything, there are a couple of physical similarities. Garriot's voice, when he and Hermann move to discussing physics, sounds like the awful recording Newt had made, of his first time getting his hands on a big chunk of kaiju. He'd needed to listen to himself so that he could copy his notes down, and he'd been surprised at how much worse his voice sounded when he was excited.

 

After the food arrives, Newt figures it's safe to turn the conversation back towards kinkier waters, but just as he's posing a pressing question about what the freakiest sex thing security has ever needed to open was, he hears his name from across the restaurant, and before he knows it, another table is being scooted up to join theirs, Tendo grinning at him and Herc Hansen trailing behind.

 

Tendo pulls three additional chairs up, and a high chair, chatting about coincidences and the panel, and Newt wants to sink through the floor.

 

Well, now it definitely wasn't a munch.


	13. Househunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Newt and Hermann discuss moving in together.

It's after the sting of the dinner with Garriot and his partner-- and the Chois and Hansen-- has faded, and Hermann is more relaxed than Newt has ever seen him.

 

Newt likes thinking about how much he has to do with that, because every time Hermann seems not-relaxed in a non-productive way, Newt takes his chin in one hand, fixes him with a look, and tells him to be a good boy and to remember to breathe, or Newt tells him to sit down for as long as it takes to drink a cup of tea. If Hermann is not-relaxed in a productive way, Newt feeds it the way he always has, no Domming needed, and they continue to bounce ideas at each other. The main difference is that they listen more, and there's no vitriol when they argue-- and that sometimes, if a not-so-heated argument is required, Hermann catches himself on the verge of giving into something and giving in to Newt.

 

Newt is less relaxed. They won't live in the Shatterdome forever, it isn't even strictly necessary anymore... and Newt isn't good at looking forward. The future stresses him out, he prefers living in the moment. He's gotten good at staying in the moment, at pushing the future away. It got to be pretty easy when he didn't even know if they'd have a future to look forward to. He's so good at living in the moment that he can put Hermann in the moment and keep him there and make the painful past and the stressful future disappear for a while at his bidding, but now he really has to think about the future, because it's about to be the present, and it always comes sooner than he thinks.

 

They're practically cohabiting as it is. He keeps telling himself that. When he thinks about how much time they spent in their shared lab instead of in their quarters, they've practically been cohabiting since before they got together. It just wasn't domestic back then.

 

It's a little domestic now. It could be more domestic, Newt just doesn't know if Hermann wants to jump right into living together or if he wants a place of his own. Newt mentally composes a list of pros to present, instead of revising their latest joint paper for peer review, jumping when Hermann clears his throat, chair rolled all the way onto Newt's side of the lab-- not that sides matter half as much now, between their relationship and the lack of physical samples being messily dissected on Newt's half.

 

"Just doing some, you know, some deep thinking." He gestures to the tablet he's working on, showing Hermann their paper, not nearly as revised as it ought to be.

 

"You seem off-- worried." Hermann frowns at him. Not the reproving frown he's used to, the kind he'd have gotten if he'd slacked on a joint paper back before their Drift. One loaded with concern, and with love, and if not with understanding, with a willingness to understand. "Is it a problem with the paper? You needn't worry about any of the maths, if I miss something, the review--"

 

"Nah. Dude, I'm sure you didn't miss anything mathy." He gives a half smile. "Just... personal worries. You know. With, uh, with thinking about... like, leaving the 'dome. I mean-- I mean, not leaving the PPDC, as long as they can use me, but leaving... like, to an apartment. Or a little house or something. Like, being able to leave Hong Kong even. Being able to moonlight, depending on what the PPDC is going to want from me. But you know."

 

"Changes." Hermann nods, levering himself up from his chair and moving to rub Newt's shoulders. "Is there anything you would like me to do? I could make you a cup of tea... I could take over revision duties for a little while, if you need time to think about the future."

 

"I'm not going to make you do my work. Tempting as it sounds, that is definitely an abuse of my power."

 

"You would be making me do my own work-- your half of the revision work will still be there after I've taken a turn." He says mildly, kneading out the tension expertly.  "But I'd like to do something to help you breathe easier... _Newt_."

 

Newt sets the tablet down and rolls his neck, groaning. They'll have to face the future sooner or later-- sooner, Newt reminds himself, than he'd like-- but for now, maybe the best thing for them both is to take a moment to be in the moment. He'll save his list of pros and that whole discussion for later, for when Hermann isn't feeling submission so keenly, for when his own need to be in charge of things has been temporarily sated.

 

"You just keep doing exactly what you're doing with those hands of yours, and I'll figure out the next step all right..." He grins, letting his neck and shoulders relax. Hermann is good, and when he's doing well, his hands are strong-- precise in their own way, for as long as he has strength in them. Not the same precision Newt has, not honed by dedicated keyboard playing and careful dissections, but he understands muscle and bone in an intimate way. Newt knows it's something informed by years of pain, by physical therapy, by being on the receiving end of massages meant to improve his physical condition, but also by reading up on the body. An attempt to understand his own, and the ways in which it differed from the healthy 'norm'. He has memories of poring over books and diagrams, and of excruciating pain under hands that meant to heal, that sometimes still feel like his own even though he knows they're not. He has a recent understanding of just what it is to live in Hermann's body, to push it beyond reasonable limits and to curse it in frustration... and a slightly more recent understanding of just what it is to live alongside Hermann's body, to push its limits in more pleasurable ways and to praise it in honest admiration.

 

When he feels a tremor in Hermann's hands, he raises one of his own, and the massage stops.

 

"Sit." Newt orders, motioning to Hermann's chair. Once Hermann does, he wheels his own in close, his knees bracketing Hermann's, touching. "Give me your hands."

 

Hermann obeys, and Newt returns the favor, massaging those hands and wrists until they are relaxed, untrembling. Warm and loose in his hold, and under his lips when he raises them to be kissed, just perfect.

 

"I feel much better." He smiles, Hermann's hands heavy in his and Hermann's answering smile light. "You did a very good job, thank you. How about you? Feel okay?"

 

"Marvelous." Hermann nods.

 

"Good. I'll make tea. We'll break long enough to drink it. We'll come back down together, and if you're feeling okay after that, you can check out the first ten pages and see if my revisions make any sense, and we'll switch off a little bit at a time. If you still feel too floaty, then I'm going to have you lie down for a bit and I'll try and revise some more before I hand it off."

 

Hermann nods again, and Newt makes the tea, his own mostly milk and with a generous amount of sugar. He saves the real honey for Hermann-- it's not something they have a whole lot of. It's depressing how much of a luxury it is, and Newt doesn't know if that will ever change for the better. The kaiju didn't exactly help things with any facet of the planet's environment, and colony collapse had been enough of a problem before they showed up... but it's okay. There are seed banks, when it comes to plant life. There are various projects working on cloning animals, and sure, there will be extinctions that science won't be able to reverse, but there are still bees... there are still a lot of things, and a lot that he'll be able to do once he's free to move onto a new project. A lot that his fellow biologists are doing, for everything.

 

And there's Hermann... Hermann, who will maybe see the wisdom in living with Newt and being domestic and sharing a big bed and a couch and a TV and a kitchen...

 

Hermann looks up with the sweetest grateful smile when he gets his tea. Newt doesn't really like tea, not the way Hermann does, but he'd make it every day for that smile, he'd make it at every meal, and he'd drink it, too.

 

"It's lovely, thank you." Hermann says softly. He's only smelled it so far, but that's all it takes. It's Assam, which would mean nothing to Newt if he hadn't had his consciousness strained through Hermann's life experience. He has enough milk and sugar in his own that he couldn't make out any notes, but he still knows it's malty and almost fruity, and that taken the way Hermann prefers it, it's sharp and strong-- astringent, that's the word Hermann uses, when he thinks about the qualities of it-- and a deep reddish color, pretty even in the chipped, stained mug that reads 'Math is the language God used to write the universe'.

 

They sit with their knees touching again, Hermann sipping slowly at his hot tea, Newt slurping down his lukewarm cup of mostly-milk, before setting aside his own mug-- it used to be heat-sensitive, but now the dinosaur skeletons show through the skin all the time, even when the drink inside is cool. Or nonexistent.

 

Newt just watches Hermann as he finishes, and by the time he's done, he seems to be in perfect control of himself, taking the tablet from Newt's desk and giving him a fond smile before returning to his own side of the lab.

 

Newt's sorry he let the paper go-- now he has nothing to focus on but the future, which undoes some of the sense of calm Hermann had given him. Maybe it's a mixed blessing-- the feeling of being in control is still there, even if it does take a hit, and Newt does his best to channel it, to use it to make the future seem less uncertain and more manageable.

 

"Can we talk tonight?" He asks, when Hermann returns the tablet.

 

"About changes?" Hermann nods.

 

"Yeah. About those."

 

"Of course. By 'talk', do you mean you'd like a repeat of this afternoon, or do you mean you'd like me sober to actually discuss something important?"

 

"Sober, please."

 

He nods again, and they go back to work. Newt feels more focused, pushes worrying about the future to the backburner again. He can save it for when he and Hermann can really talk. Maybe after that, they can play around a little, but the talking has to come first.

 

They eat dinner with the Chois again, just because of when dinner breaks are taken, and Newt feels his nerves twisting and balling up when future plans come up as a topic of conversation. Hermann quickly switches the focus to parenthood, and Tendo is only too happy to oblige. It's clear he's happy to have more time with Alison and their son, even if he is still kept busier than most in the wake of the war, and it's nice to see, to hear about life going on normally for someone, going on well.

 

Domestically, even, and there talk switches back over to plans and futures and moving on, when Alison mentions an apartment near the Shatterdome, where they'll have actual space and privacy. Couples' quarters are pretty nice, but when you've got a baby-- when you're looking at raising a toddler, which is what babies rapidly become-- you need something the 'dome can't offer, something better than a crib in the corner of your living space.

 

Newt excuses himself as soon as Hermann is done eating, and Hermann shrugs apologetically to Tendo and Alison, and follows.

 

"So. Tendo's getting, like, a home." Newt says abruptly, when they reach Hermann's quarters. "With a nursery and everything and... like, rooms."

 

"Yes. That's a key feature of many apartments, rooms." Hermann blinks, letting them in.

 

"Do you like rooms? Wait, fuck. Homes. I mean-- Would you-- Do you think about what you'd do, after this?"

 

"I admit, I haven't put much thought into it. I'm ready to leave Hong Kong, there's nothing I'm doing for the PPDC now that I couldn't do from anywhere, provided I had a strong wi-fi signal. Unless some emergency arises, I don't expect to be called back up for anything very important, and I'll want to look at other avenues of employment as they don't require me full-time once we're wrapped up at the end of the month... but I have some back pay and some things I can finally publish, and a little time to go through the offers I do have. Is that what's worrying you? That I might... might have chosen someplace to go already? Or, that we might not have future offers that would put us near each other?"

 

"Dude, I can work around that. I've got a huge-ass list of people who want my brain, and some of them could have me long-distance. Like, I could follow you anywhere, I just... I don't know. I don't want to follow you somewhere only to be renting an apartment across town and trying to work out when we can see each other, I don't want to be... I mean, yeah, sure, you could have an apartment and I could have an apartment and we could make that work out fine too, but why even bother doing that? Like, logically, we'd save on rent and be able to get a better place if we, uh..."

 

"If we got that place together?" Hermann smiles, moving to the bed and pausing there. "That would be the logical thing to do. The economic thing to do."

 

"Right?" Newt feels the roiling ball of nerves in his gut loosen, some of the worry melting away. "We'd save on rent-- or a down-payment on owning something, if that's-- I mean, if you'd want that. We'd save on furniture. Just one set of bills. Makes a whole lot of sense. And we'd know we would see each other."

 

"I would want that." He holds a hand out.

 

Newt takes it, and they sit on the bed together, the rest of that worry vanishing as soon as Hermann is in Newt's arms.

 

"What kind of offers are you looking at?" Newt asks.

 

"Research programs, mostly-- I'm not interested in a permanent teaching position. A guest lecture here and there, but I couldn't bear to grade papers." He chuckles. "None of the tedious parts... There's a security commission that would like me. After the kaiju, they're broadening the types of threats that need thinking about, and my work on the Jaegers was mentioned, ways to use that technology-- not for any one government or military, of course, just for general world security purposes. Rebuilding is most important, but general threat preparedness against... I don't know, 'outside forces', the new code word for whatever alien monster threatens us next..."

 

"Oh. Cool, cool. I've got a list of universities and research labs. But like I said, there's nowhere I couldn't go and still be able to do something. I haven't finished going through the latest offers. NATO's after me, in case the Atlantic opens up next, I guess."

 

"Look at the NATO offer." Hermann doesn't smile exactly, but something in him tenses, expectant rather than worried. "See if-- See if they're flexible about where you could work. I would like to be able to settle down together. And the world security post-- Well, nothing is certain yet, until we line our offers up and see where we both stand, but they would want me in Germany. Near my sister, actually. Which is tempting, if NATO wants you in Europe. If they would rather you in America, of course, I am flexible. And if those positions won't put us near each other, there's always research in the private sector..."

 

"As long as you're moving in with me, dude." Newt hugs him tight, kisses his cheek and his nose and the hinge of his jaw.

 

"I absolutely am." Hermann brings his hands up, to smooth over Newt's shoulders and down his back. "I've forgotten how to be apart from you. Not far apart. Not for long... not after everything that we've seen and done together. Not with how much missed time we have to make up for. I hope I never remember it. It's a skill I would rather not need again."

 

"Not if I can help it. You can't get rid of me now." He grins, cupping Hermann's cheek and bringing him in for a real, proper kiss. It's long and deliberate and slow, and it is calculated to have Hermann melting for him. "Your ass is mine all mine."

 

"That it is." Hermann sighs, definitely melty. When he leans in to place his lips a hair's breadth from Newt's ear, he has barely any voice left, but what there is trembles with a need that cuts through everything else. " _Newt_."

 

"This calls for a celebration." Newt promises, easing him down onto the pillows and sliding a hand up under his sweater. "Tomorrow morning I'm sorting through my job offers. I'm figuring out just where I have to go so that we can settle down together. I'm contacting whoever I need to contact. And I'm _looking... up... real estate_."

 

The thrill it sends through Hermann is visible, the way the light in his eyes changes, the little shiver. Newt would be happy to settle down in Germany, near Hermann's sister. They could do vacations to Boston... it could work out just fine, if the right offer was in his inbox in the morning, or if the right deal could be struck. But that could wait, until he didn't have Hermann pliant and needy underneath him, with wrists that fit so neatly in the circle of Newt's hands, arms that stretch so beautifully up to the headboard, hips to be straddled and lips to be kissed swollen... there was nothing that couldn't wait, for that.


	14. Housewarming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Newt and Hermann settle in... and Newt finds a way to fulfill a long-held fantasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of a time-skip here, because I wasn't sure how much I could write about the job-and-house hunt when I really wanted to get right to it!

In the end, they wind up near Karla, which makes shipping costs a real pain, but Newt's sure it will be worth it in the end. He remembers, from talking online with Hermann, some of the things he'd wanted and thought he would never have, and he wants to make as many of those as he can real. The cost to get the work itself done had been so reasonable that as monstrous as the shipping was, it wasn't outside what he could afford.

 

They're already unpacked and put away nearly all their possessions by the time Hermann's gift arrives, which does make a giant box stick out some, and all Newt can do is bring it in as soon as he notices that it's come and hope that Hermann hadn't needed to accept the delivery personally. Newt figures that, as large as it is, if Hermann had signed for it while Newt was in the shower, he might've had to leave it on the front porch anyway.

 

Newt gets it moved into their still-rather-spartan shared office, where he finds a box cutter he can use to open it and check the contents. He tidies up and then places the box upside down over the gift, calling for Hermann once it's ready.

 

"Hermann? I got you a present!"

 

"Was it that enormous thing that came to the door? Really, Newton, I can't imagine what it could be, but I'm sure..." Hermann trails off as he enters the office, his gaze moving between Newt-- his posture straight and solid, rather than the bouncing about that Hermann had expected from Newt about to spring a fun surprise-- and the overturned box.

 

"I think you'll like it." Newt purrs, beckoning Hermann closer.

 

Hermann nods, though his expression is unsure. "If this is some sort of large sex apparatus, I really don't know if I... I mean--"

 

"Open it before you start jumping to conclusions."

 

He nods again, pulling the box off of... something. There's a dark-stained wood base supporting the two cushions, upholstered in a sleek, espresso leatherette, and it's a very lovely whatever it is, but Hermann can't imagine he's jumped to conclusions. He's still working out just how he could possibly be bend over the thing comfortably for sex, and Newt is looking at him with an expectant grin, that urge to vibrate with excitement buzzing under his skin even as he keeps as cool a demeanor as possible.

 

"It's... very nice..."

 

Newt relaxes a little, out of that expectant state, rushing in to demonstrate. Rather than assuming any sort of lewd position, he kneels on the lower of the two cushions, the higher one offering him some support to sit back against.

 

"See? I had it stained and re-upholstered, but it's a kneeling office chair. It used to be my uncle's, he'd drag it into his studio when he needed to be able to change positions working long hours on sound equipment and stuff, and-- Anyway, I remembered you sounded so sorry about not being able to, but between the cushioning and the added support, you don't have to hold yourself up unaided and it won't be super hard on your knees-- or shins-- plus it's a little easier to get in and out of than it might be to get down on and up from the floor." He extracts himself from the seat, beaming.

 

"Oh... Newton..." Hermann looks between Newt and the gift again, though this time without an ounce of confusion or trepidation. "I hardly remember mentioning... it must be one of the first, well, personal things I shared with you, back when... Oh, _Newt_."

 

Newt steps forward, his hand moving to Hermann's chin. "Does that mean you'd like to try it out now for me?"

 

Hermann just barely nods, more a flicker of his eyes than it is a real movement of the head, and Newt's answering smile is benediction.

 

"Get to it, then, good boy." Newt releases him, and Hermann uses his cane for balance as he slides himself into the seat. It's a little awkward to figure out at first, but having seen Newt do it, he manages fine, and it feels so good to be there. Newt strokes his hair gently and takes his cane, moving it to lean against Newt's desk, rather than Hermann's. "Ask me when you need that back. This time I want you to let me know when you feel like you're done. I want you to be comfortable. Are you comfortable?"

 

"Yes, very, thank you." Hermann nods. The cushions are well-padded, and his brain sings with the reward it pumps into itself at kneeling before Newt. It isn't kneeling on the floor, no, but it is kneeling, and there is some height difference, even if he's barely shorter than he'd have been in his usual office chair.

 

"You can use this whenever you need to. Whenever it's comfortable." Newt continues, carding through his hair. "If you ever need a little break from everything when I'm busy, we can pull it up by my desk, and I'll make sure you get some attention."

 

He hums, eyes falling closed, and he's utterly beautiful. Newt's thumb travels gently down the center of his forehead, sweeping along the relaxed curve of one brow, brushes just gently over a closed lid and feels the tickle of long lashes, traces the perfect jut of one cheekbone and the slight hollow beneath. He follows the wide, soft smile that touches Hermann's lips before grasping his chin again, still gentle.

 

He bends down to take a kiss, chuckling at the eager response.

 

"I think I like you down there." He grins, giving Hermann's hair a little tug and kissing him again. "Was this a good present?"

 

" _Yes_." Hermann breathes, his head heavy in Newt's hands. Not lolling into him, not imparting any of the weight of the rest of his body, just leaning into Newt's touch utterly.

 

"Good. We can do this all the time... but as soon as you've had enough for right now, I think you ought to know you're going to be mine... and I'm going to have my fun unwrapping you. How does that sound?"

 

Hermann shivers, smile twitching just so, and Newt plays with his hair a little longer, indulging himself in the gentle touches, and in being able to just take in Hermann's unguarded expression. Moving in has left them without the time and energy for a real scene, though they've done their best to indulge each other wherever possible, just to keep that sense of well-being intact throughout the stress. Now, though... now they have the time, and the change in Hermann is immediately apparent. The little lines of stress that had formed going over paperwork-- for home ownership, for beginning a new job-- those disappear very nearly completely under Newt's touch. Newt's concerns about making enormous decisions about their future vanish when presented with the chance to make immediate decisions about their present.

 

When Hermann signals that he's done, Newt brings his cane back over for leverage, offering a hand as well.

 

"So far so good?"

 

"Very good. _Thank_ you." Hermann nods, grinning. He's cuddly on the walk back to the bedroom, nearly tripping himself in his attempts at clinging onto Newt as thoroughly as possible.

 

It's enough to let Newt know what kind of an afternoon it's going to be. If he's lucky, Hermann will come back down and offer sex later, or a sleepy handjob, but he's too far gone for mutual orgasms to occur, at least just yet. The unexpected gift, and the unexpected experience, Newt figures. Also all the petting, he'll take the blame on that, he'd been lulling Hermann into that extra-cuddly subspace, so he can't complain if Hermann just needs to cling and isn't up to getting it up.

 

He can't imagine complaining, of course. Hermann in subspace is so far removed from the Hermann that the rest of the world gets to see. He wriggles a little on the bed at an attempt at being helpful while Newt undresses him, relaxing at every touch with hums and sighs that hit Newt straight in the chest.

 

"You're like a little baby kitten." He chuckles, getting Hermann's socks off. As soon as his feet are released, Hermann attempts to burrow his toes underneath Newt's thigh, and Newt grabs one back up, leaning down to nuzzle at his ankle. "Cold?"

 

Hermann shakes his head, then nods. "My feet are."

 

Newt chafes the one he's holding between his hands. It's a little early in the proceedings for Hermann's temperature to drop on him, but circulation to the toes is another story, and Newt flips the corner of the blanket over Hermann's feet when he gets up from the bed.

 

"I'll be right back with something for those feet. You can cover up if you get cold... but I'm going to uncover you again when I get back." He warns, smiling. Hermann makes no move to grab for the blankets, and when Newt gets back with the hot water bottle, it's just Hermann's feet that are covered.

 

"Good boy." He greets, pulling the blankets back. "Feet up."

 

Hermann complies, though one of his legs is a little shaky. Newt sets the hot water bottle down and Hermann plants the soles of his feet on top of it, his knees sticking up. Newt gives each a kiss, tugging the blanket back around Hermann's feet. He massages at Hermann's calves slowly, giving him little light pinches whenever he thinks Hermann is on the verge of falling asleep.

 

"Not until I'm done with you." He says, when Hermann gives him a questioning look. Hermann looks immediately contrite, and Newt moves to lie beside him on the bed, slinging an arm across his front. "Shh, shh... you've been everything I want, okay? And I'm not ready for you to fall asleep because I want to keep having fun, that's all... Are you having fun, or are you really too tired?"

 

"Fun..." Hermann sighs. "I'm, thank you, I'm having fun."

 

"Good." Newt walks his fingers along Hermann's ribcage and leans in to pepper his face and his shoulder with light kisses. "You're so good for me... I loved having you kneel for me today. Was that as good for you as you hoped?"

 

"That was incredible..." Another sigh, deep and long and drenched in happiness.

 

Newt massages at Hermann's thigh, where he'd trembled just on the one side. "How does this feel?"

 

"Mm... tired. I was working too hard this week. I wanted to do my share..."

 

"You totally do that." Newt moves up to rub his hip, and Hermann rolls onto his side, letting Newt help him to stretch before putting his knee pillow in place for him. "It's just books left, yeah? Do you do yours by the Dewey Decimal? I'll finish the books up. Today, though, I think we earned an afternoon nap. We should take advantage of that while we still have our afternoons to ourselves.

 

Hermann wraps an arm around Newt, hesitant until he gets a nod of approval and a hand stroking through his hair once more.

 

"Dinner and a documentary later." Newt promises, kissing Hermann's forehead. "You can sleep now."


	15. Back Rooms, Workarounds, and Happy Ever Afters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Newt and Hermann attend a real munch, and have some fun at a home that's become comfortably theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see Newt as being a social introvert in a lot of ways-- someone who often seeks out crowds when he wants to have a good time, but who can't handle high social situations without being drained by it. There aren't that many people he finds it easy to just talk to and spend time with... but he loves highly-charged, crowded scenes. The drift special feature supports this-- he's 'insular', but that he loves concerts as well... He's not great at dealing with people outside of the kinds of scenes he is comfortable in, either academia or music, and when it comes to concerts, what he gets out of the music more than makes up for anything the crowd could sap out of him, but sitting around conversing with a bunch of new people, even if it's an enjoyable experience, would be a draining one. Anyway, that's how I write him here.

Newt thinks it's funny he found out about the lively local scene from someone who doesn't even live near them, but he's glad he did. Hermann had spent his whole life more reticent to go than Newt had ever been, but now that he's not really working for the PPDC, Newt is interested in actually getting together and chatting with people, and he feels like it's a really good sign of something that when he asks, Hermann smiles and nods. No fretting, no discussions of what is and isn't, just mild curiosity and openness. 

 

He attributes the change to a lot of factors, and he can only assume he is one of them, but Hermann's been able to work on his passion projects a lot more, they've really settled into the house, had hobby time, Hermann's sister visits all the time bearing food and a vibrant, infectious laugh... Hermann's life is good. And seeing that, so is Newt's.

 

He doesn't worry about getting caught out by his current bosses or coworkers-- it's a munch, after all, and not a nightclub or a public dungeon. He and Hermann are just going to walk into a nice, friendly restaurant around lunchtime, sit with a big group of people, and talk about life. Make friends, maybe. He's never been good at making friends in person, but he likes the idea of having couple friends, and the friends that they do have are scattered around the world, too far to really get together with. He wants to meet people who'll come over for barbecues or board game nights.

 

The restaurant has a private room in the back, sunny and comfortable with flowers in little tiny vases in the center of each table, all of them pushed together in a line. A sign welcomes newcomers, and there are couples old enough to be Newt's parents, and a girl who looks fifteen, even though Newt guesses she's honestly twice that. People in jeans and tee shirts and business-casual clothing, and nicer outfits. It's a Sunday afternoon and they look as much like they could be a church group reconvening for lunch after a service... and he and Hermann fit right in. 

 

Hermann had been relaxed on the trip down to the restaurant, but he freezes up and grabs Newt's elbow when they enter the room.

 

"Second thoughts?" Newt whispers. "C'mere, babe, let's say hi and if you're not okay, we'll apologize and say something came up. We got this far, that's a big step considering how... like, unsocial our experience has been so far, right?"

 

"It's not that." Hermann hisses, his focus on someone in a knot of people greeting each other by the coat rack in the back of the room. "Newt, that's Dr. Saul Novak."

 

The name doesn't mean anything to Newt, not in particular, but it's vaguely familiar. "Colleague? Is physics that kinky a field?"

 

"No, no-- he worked on the Mark Four series." Hermann shakes his head, and Newt recognizes just a little awe, even though he thinks it should be the other way around. Hermann's the one who coded on the Mark Ones, after all. "His contributions were crucial to Crimson Typhoon's functionality. I'm very surprised to see him here. For-- I mean, geographically, mostly. But yes, I had no idea. And we've never really met, I'm just... I'm very familiar with his advancements."

 

"Ah." Newt gets it, then. Coding a Jaeger for three would be impressive. "Well, maybe it's just science that's kinky. And hey, no time like the presence."

 

He leads Hermann over, pushing down his pang of jealousy at the whole starstruck thing. Dr. Novak is definitely handsome, and not quite old enough to be in the whole 'dad' age range. Old enough to fit the Hot Professor role, actually. He looks severe-- not remotely angry, just severe, just like he'd been carved very precisely out of something very hard, and even when he smiles in a friendly manner, that sense of severity remains. Super-controlled.

 

He's happy to chat with Hermann about J-Tech, with a little more warmth but no less of that rock-hard control, and they take seats across from each other, Newt at Hermann's side, and another man taking the seat next to Dr. Novak and watching him with a somewhat besotted smile for a moment, before leaning over to speak to Newt.

 

"Dr. Church." He introduces himself, and Newt guesses he could also slide into Hot Professor territory. Not Newt's idea of hot, maybe, but somebody's, with just a slight paunch and a tiny bit of grey creeping into carelessly tousled hair, and an easy, open smile. "And you... must be Dr. Geiszler? The tattoos are pretty distinctive."

 

"Oh. Yeah. But, uh, please, it's just Newt. Are you with Dr. Novak?" He asks. He feels a little less of that baseless jealousy when he realizes that Novak is his idea of a hot professor, more than Hermann's-- and that his opinion is definitely influenced _by_ Hermann. The somewhat pinched quality of their resting expressions, the cold, hard surface that each smile breaks through so like the surface of Hermann that Newt is lucky enough to have plumbed past... the haircuts, kind of, and the worn, tweedy blazers over soft-looking sweaters, the cheekbones... He's the next step in the evolution of Hermann, apparently, the two of them two of a kind, and Newt trusted Hermann the whole time, but it doesn't mean he's not happier to know it's not a _crush_ , just a kindred science spirit deal.

 

"Oh, one of us is always with the other. Even if I sometimes wonder who's following who. And if you're Newt, then I'll just be James. How long do you think they'll go on talking robotics?"

 

"Hermann? All day." Newt laughs, but he's glad-- he'd been a little concerned Hermann might not have a good time, might get there and be unable to relax, or feel like an outsider. Worried they might both have trouble joining into any conversations. "Are you in robotics yourself?"

 

"Actually, my doctorate is in English Lit." James snorts and rolls his eyes. "We were both finishing up our doctorates when we met. San Francisco State. In retrospect, maybe we should have settled somewhere else..." Another eye roll.

 

"Were you there, when...?" Newt starts to tug his sleeve down.

 

"Yup. Packed as many people as we could into the boat my old man left me. Nearly had a bridge fall on us, but we got out... relocated-- You're fine, don't worry about it." He shakes his head, gesturing to Newt's arm. "Gave me a hell of a story to break out. Anyway, it took a while before he got involved in the Jaeger program after that, but we wound up in China. I went through Ranger training, myself. Figured there wasn't a lot of use for an English teacher in the science and tech departments. Never made it into one of the Jaegers myself, but there were plenty of jobs to go around back then anyway."

 

"And you guys live in Germany now?"

 

"No, no, just visiting friends in the area. But we know a couple of people in this little group from the message boards, so... What does the world's leading kaiju expert do now?"

 

"Advisory work. Turns out, after the world faces one threat like the kaiju, they want to be prepared for anything extra-terrestrial. So I'm working with a global commission on earth's security."

 

"Nice work if you can get it."

 

"It is." Newt grins, nodding. "Things are actually really great. And now we're at our first munch, and I read up on, like, etiquette and stuff, but it's kind of weird actually being here. The good kind of weird, I mean. Like, everyone sits around talking about work and television and life and current events, and we all know we kind of do the same... basic things, and we get together because that's what we all do, but it isn't even about that, like-- Like, I wanted to come today because I thought it would be cool to have couple friends and board game nights, and... You know? Is it weird for everyone the first time?"

 

"Most things are, the first time. But you get used to them. It's weird the first time you meet up with people knowing you share a secret, but then it becomes less about the secret and more about the people... You learn who tells the same joke every time you see him and who gets their hair done every week, and who still watches the news on TV, more than you learn about who likes whips and chains and all that... maybe you learn those things, too, it comes up around the edges of the conversation, it's all there. But you get less preoccupied with wondering, and you get less worried about what people wonder about you."

 

"Thanks. That helps."

 

Another couple joins them to sit at the end of the long line of tables, maybe in their mid-thirties, the woman with colorful streaks in her hair kissing Church on the cheek, her partner standing close behind her, posture openly submissive, or maybe just shy. Newt introduces Hermann, once he's introduced to Galiana and Uli.

 

Galiana jumps into the robotics discussion, and Newt mostly finds himself watching as Hermann grows more and more at ease. He jumps in and out of the conversations around them, but his real focus remains with Hermann.

 

He exchanges contact info with Galiana at the end of lunch. She and Uli seem like couple friend material, with interests that align with Newt's and Hermann's own, and they live right in Karla's neighborhood. And maybe in private they would talk kinky stuff and maybe they never would, but they could talk about coding and tinkering, and music and tattoos, and a couple of shared favorite TV shows, and that's what Newt had really hoped for. Though it is a bonus knowing that if there were handcuffs attached to the headboard when he gave a house tour, no notice would even be taken of it-- at least, no scrutiny.

 

Well, not handcuffs-- not metal handcuffs. But Newt had bought Hermann a pair of custom-made cuffs, from the place that Garriot's Dom had emailed him a link to, and had been reserving the package for a special occasion. And when they get home, the look that Hermann gives him speaks to this being that occasion.

 

It's not a sex type of scene that's called for, he doesn't think. He's not sure if it will turn that way or not, but it's not what Hermann's seeking. Neither of them came away from the munch worked up-- at least, not turned on. It really wasn't that kind of a charged atmosphere. But for Hermann, it was something brand new that he'd always thought himself incapable of, working up the nerve and going to a real munch. For Newt, it was a very social occasion, and as much as he sometimes craves socializing, it always takes a lot out of him. Hermann, though... Hermann gives back all the energy that Newt loses when he socializes.

 

"Newt..." Hermann ducks his head and smiles softly, hopefully. "Thank you for taking me. I had a good time. I... I'm glad I went."

 

Newt leans up to kiss Hermann's forehead. "Wanna 'jammie up?"

 

Hermann doesn't even snort at the phrase, which would be a sign even if his nickname wasn't, and Newt leads him to the bedroom, pulling out Hermann's softest pajamas, undressing him and then helping him into the warm, worn flannel.

 

"I've been saving a present for you. For a special occasion." He smiles. "Lie down. We're gonna let go of all that tension. You did great today. You and me, we had a brand new experience and we liked it. Lunch was good, we made some friends, you got to talk about coding the Jaegers with one of your fellow pioneers... I got a line on a local tattoo artist who could do some work for me... it was a good day."

 

"Yes, I heard about Uli's tattoos... They showed me one." Hermann starts, biting his lip and waiting on Newt's approval to continue. "They mentioned it being a... an almost spiritual experience, having... having their Dominant decide on one, and... And doing that."

 

Newt swallows. This is absolutely a talk they need to have when Hermann is out of subspace, not when he's wanting to slip into it-- and not when Newt can feel his own headspace shifting to take over, because he wants to say yes, he wants to promise it's the right decision and to let him take care of it all. He wants to take Hermann out right away and put a big heart shaped lock over his heart with 'Property of Newt Geiszler etched into it. He wants to put constellations on Hermann's inner thighs to be kissed reverently each night. He wants a compass rose on Hermann's shoulder to guide him home to the perfect spot to rest his head when he spoons around him at night, and there are five things that would look just right at the small of Hermann's back, and if Newt can't decide on something himself, he can't ask Hermann to trust him to pick one. He doesn't think Hermann wants to wind up covered in ink. He figures if he had the opportunity, he could at least rule out the most painful spots...

 

"I'm sure it was." He says at last, pulling out the box with the new cuffs and sitting on the edge of the bed. "When I get my next one started, maybe you should come with me. You can see what the process is like and see if it's something you'll be interested in. And if it's not for you, then I'll still have plenty of things to do to show you how you're mine."

 

Hermann nods, and Newt can see him relax further, body pillow tucked under his knees and hands folded over his middle. He glances at the box, and back up to Newt, and Newt grins.

 

"Oh, you want your present?" He asks. "Hold out your arms, up to me."

 

Newt mimes the position he wants Hermann to take, pulling the cuffs out and showing them off. They're black leather, double-strap cuffs, lined with thick faux fur in a deep emerald green, and there's decorative top-stitching to match the fur, with shiny rings just waiting to be clipped together. Hermann sucks in a breath, eyes wide, and Newt fastens each cuff, slowly and securely, before attaching them to each other. He lets Hermann rest his bound wrists over his chest, his hands curled loosely under his chin.

 

"I didn't get the locking buckle, but... maybe we'll get another pair that locks someday. Anniversary present, for if you really like these. For now, you just relax. I've got you all fastened safe and sound." He smiles, brushing Hermann's hair back from his brow. "Do they feel okay? Not too tight? Not too loose?"

 

"Not too tight." Hermann promises, with a tiny shake of the head. "Not too loose. They are perfect."

 

"Good. You like the color? The green?"

 

He nods, with a little blush. "It's my favorite."

 

"Good. This time you keep them right there where you can admire them. Another time I'll hook you up to the headboard... maybe sometime when you're kneeling by me in the office we can put your hands behind your back and do that... Now that we have these, I can cuff you any time." Newt's grin just widens, and he speaks slowly, softly, promising future good times. "I'm going to experiment with so many different positions. We'll find what makes you feel the most secure. And what makes you look best for me. You look pretty good like this... nice and cozy and safe."

 

Hermann nods again, and Newt stands, stripping out of his own clothes and pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved tee. He takes his time, not sure if he's giving Hermann a show or just making him wait before giving him more attention, but either way, when he returns to the bed, Hermann pushes eagerly into the next touch.

 

"Tell me how the cuffs make you feel." Newt says, and even with his voice soft, it's an order that Hermann is only too happy to obey.

 

"Safe." He sighs, closing his eyes as Newt traces fingertips over his face. "Secure. Like I belong to you... and you are keeping me. Right here, where I'm safe. Loved."

 

"You're very safe. And you're very loved. And you are all mine." Newt leans over, kissing Hermann's forehead again. "I like you in a little leather... when it's warm out, maybe we'll ditch the pajamas and just wear the cuffs to bed..."

 

He gets a delighted squirm in response, and a breathless little sound, and he keeps touching Hermann all over, little pats and strokes and gentle pinches and squeezes. He doesn't want his hands off of Hermann for an instant, and the pajamas do look a little silly paired with the cuffs, but he knows Hermann is warm and cozy this way.

 

"Maybe I'll get you a pair to fit your ankles next..." He muses, giving the connector between the cuffs a little tug. Hermann's wrists come up easily, following the slightest urging, and he lets Newt reposition him a couple of times before placing them back where they began, where he'd promised Hermann could keep them. "Would that feel good? I could get you all bound up, extra safe?"

 

"Yes." Hermann nods, lifting his arms so that he can admire the cuffs on his wrists, turning them as far as he can with the connector in place, tugging to test the strength. He beams up at Newt once he's confirmed just how secure his bonds are.

 

"What about a belt? I could get a belt made, with rings to connect the cuffs to, keep your hands bound to your sides... That too?" Newt smiles at the look on Hermann's face, nodding. "Okay. I'll put it on the list."

 

He settles down at last, with an arm around Hermann, to relax alongside him, to bask in the adoration coming off of the man in waves. The bed is comfortable, and if he set an alarm, they could certainly nap... with Hermann free to control the position of his arms to some degree, and the cuffs not too tight, as long as Newt stayed close and didn't fall into a deep sleep himself, Hermann could sleep in the cuffs at least. Newt doesn't think he needs sleep, anyway, just the chance to relax, and to admire Hermann a while... to enjoy just being there, in a house where all the sounds were familiar now. Where they had art on the walls and sides of the bed, and all the things that made a home.

 

For them, that meant there was a small suitcase under the bed where Newt kept blindfolds and feather wands and where he would put Hermann's restraints as well, and there was a kneeling chair in the office that had nothing to do with comfort and efficiency at work and everything to do with Hermann's comfort and submission. For them it meant there were kaiju action figures on the bookshelves and an apron hanging up in the kitchen that had the symbol for pi on it, but made up of apples. For them it meant a walk-in bathtub that sat two. It meant scheduling Skype calls to Boston and Hong Kong and dinners with Karla, it meant views of the mountains Hermann had grown up in the shadow of, it meant a loveseat recliner and science documentaries streaming to their TV...

 

It means Newt knows the angle of the sun coming through his bedroom window on a Sunday afternoon, and how softly it lights things. It means the muscle memory of just how to tilt Hermann's water glass when he cares for him after a scene in their own house-- their own home-- and moving around their kitchen with ease when he makes breakfast for them both, or when he and Hermann teach themselves to cook together, and the way it looks and feels to make a mess and to clean it, and the way Hermann's laugh bounces off the walls in every room, because he had made it his mission to earn that laugh in every room, and that mission is checked off as a complete success.

 

It means the sound of Hermann's breathing, even and deep and relaxed, when he trusts every care to Newt, and Newt kisses Hermann's hands and lets him nap in his cuffs, and thinks idly about all the things they'll be able to do with them in the future, and all the ways he'll keep Hermann feeling secure when the cuffs eventually come off.

 

They've accomplished impossible things, after all. With that in mind, Newt can't find it in him to worry. He'll keep Hermann safe.


End file.
